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Your Jokes, Strictly for the Pub only.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
THE SEVENTIES NORTH BANK
Life President⭐⭐🦐
An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby".
The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby".
blues_r_best
Entertainment 7wenty
Can't believe it...
First Whitney, now that bloke from Steps.
First Whitney, now that bloke from Steps.
Pubey
Guest
lol!:smile:
londonblue
Topgun Pilot
Joke
I thought I'd share a joke I heard today that made me chuckle.
What have the film The 6th Sense and the Titanic got in common?
Icy dead people.
I thought I'd share a joke I heard today that made me chuckle.
What have the film The 6th Sense and the Titanic got in common?
Icy dead people.
Berrichonne shrimper
Members
..................................
Last edited:
1966 and all that
First XI
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poo all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poo all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
1966 and all that
First XI
A hen-pecked old chap is at the funeral service for his wife. As the pall bearers are carrying out the coffin, they
bump it into the wall and from inside there's a whimper. When they open the coffin, they find that his wife is alive.
She lives for 10 more years, but finally passes on. At the funeral service, as the pall bearers are carrying out the coffin, the old chap calls out 'Mind the wall!
bump it into the wall and from inside there's a whimper. When they open the coffin, they find that his wife is alive.
She lives for 10 more years, but finally passes on. At the funeral service, as the pall bearers are carrying out the coffin, the old chap calls out 'Mind the wall!
davewebbsbrain
Webby⭐🦐
Well done, only about 10 years out of date :smile:
londonblue
Topgun Pilot
I know, but it still made me laugh...
davewebbsbrain
Webby⭐🦐
This is a thread for jokes :winking:
sufc_tom
Striker
Well chelsea are a joke at the moment! :winking:
Bluesmanager
I'm a Barbie Girl
They have now. And he's right - it is a ****ing farce.
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