Ask Jonny

[TrueBlue]

LDNFATSO then?

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Or better still True Blue

Isn't about time that Orient scored some own goals for us seeing as how we've been so generous to our mockney neighbours the past few years?

Love
Marky_Gower :D

Dear Marky_Gower,

I'm afraid John Mackie has left to go to Brentford, so I'm not sure anyone is enough of a donkey to comply this year. Nevertheless, I can assure you that your generous donations are much appreciated in our miserable East London slum.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

 

[DTS]

LDNFATSO then?

Couldn't comment mate. :flamer:

 

[Uncle Leo]

Oi Oi Oi Oi!!!!
Belinda doesn't do it for me & never has!

She might have done if you'd seen her Playboy spread from 2001.

Hubba

Hubba

Hubba

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

She might have done if you'd seen her Playboy spread from 2001.

Hubba

Hubba

Hubba

Was that before or after she became a Mommy?

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Dear Jonny,

I need your help. I sit in the South Upper at Roots Hall and have done for quite a few seasons now. In the past two seasons or so my regular band of fans has been joined by another poster on this board - For the sake of a story I will call him a pdesedum lets say London Thinso (Name changed to preserve anonymity).

London Thinso started talking to me on a regular basis. At first I thought he was a little bit weird but as time got on his constant abuse of Maher and his unrepenting shouting at JCR to cross it really started to warm the cockles of my heart. I now consider us to be good friends

However over the past few weeks I have become worried about him.

At half time myself,Dad of DtS and my mate Dan who I sit next to love a perv on the teenage dancing girls. Even Dan's six year old son is begining to enjoy this window of perv during half time.

London Thinso has been making noises like he too is enjoying the women. However upon close inspection he appears to be making sexual grunting noises at the sight of Franky Banks in those tight white shorts he wears.

It is now time to renew my season ticket and I am unsure if I still wish to sit next to Ldn Thinso as appears to get off at the sight of half man/half monkey Banks in his smalls.

Should I approach London Thinso about my concerns on his feelings for Franky "the missing link" or just look away when he starts getting a Banks-related boner.

Yours hopefully DtS

:finger:

Dear David,

Everyone knows that real men like men. However in this instance it seems that your anorexically-monikered friend seems to have fallen for a simian. Whilst we've all been with a dog every now and then, feelings for animals that have opposable thumbs and wear short shorts (he likes short shorts) is clearly beyond the pail.

I suggest you quietly relocate your three tickets to a part of the ground that actually generates an atmosphere, as not telling him you're off will not hurt his feelings as much as telling him to his face that he is a wrong'un. Plus you'll be able to see the teenage dancing girls better, and that's what football is all about.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

 

[TrueBlue]

back of the east dave where I am with the real lads

 

[C C Csiders]

Dear Jonny,

I'm in the mood for dancing, romancing
Ooh I'm giving it all tonight
I'm in the mood for chancing
I feel like dancing
Ooh so come on and hold me tight

Advice please?

 

[Uncle Leo]

Was that before or after she became a Mommy?

Not sure. But she looked very fine indeed.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Dear Jonny,

I'm in the mood for dancing, romancing
Ooh I'm giving it all tonight
I'm in the mood for chancing
I feel like dancing
Ooh so come on and hold me tight

Advice please?

Dear C C Csiders,

I think you should probably dance. Yeah let's dance. Come on and dance.
Dance. Yeah let's dance. Come on and dance. Dancin', just feel the beat, babe. That's all you've gotta do.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

 

[C C Csiders]

Dear C C Csiders,

I think you should probably dance. Yeah let's dance. Come on and dance.
Dance. Yeah let's dance. Come on and dance. Dancin', just feel the beat, babe. That's all you've gotta do.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

Thought so, thanks Jonny. My mind now at rest.

However, I do have something nagging at the back of my mind, and that is: I love to love, but my baby just wants to dance. Love or dance? Again your advice will be greatly valued.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Thought so, thanks Jonny. My mind now at rest.

However, I do have something nagging at the back of my mind, and that is: I love to love, but my baby just wants to dance. Love or dance? Again your advice will be greatly valued.

Dear C C Csiders,

My advice is to dance, yeah lets dance until she can't dance anymore. Then, when she's tired, you can slip some rohypnol into her drink and love her all you want.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

 

[C C Csiders]

Dear C C Csiders,

My advice is to dance, yeah lets dance until she can't dance anymore. Then, when she's tired, you can slip some rohypnol into her drink and love her all you want.

Love,

Uncle Jonny

So, you're suggesting I dance myself dizzy and then boogaloo. Do you suggest I do this from LA to Manhattan as it will be an open door? Of course, such dancing will be dynamite, but it will lead me to dance back-to-back tonight. Then I can slip the drug in and slip her one, is that correct?

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

So, you're suggesting I dance myself dizzy and then boogaloo. Do you suggest I do this from LA to Manhattan as it will be an open door? Of course, such dancing will be dynamite, but it will lead me to dance back-to-back tonight. Then I can slip the drug in and slip her one, is that correct?

Dear C C Csiders,

Get candy in your heels tonight, baby

Love,

Uncle Jonny

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Dear Jonny,

I have a geniune, not p*ss-taking question for you (eek!) - about last season.

What was the mood like amongst Orient fans in August 2006? Were you all in buoyant mood, expecting to storm League One? If you were, what was the reaction of most fans to the first few months of your campaign? Fury? Gallows humour? Stoical observation as to the fact that at least you were no longer in League Two? Two more questions:

1. Were there calls for "Ling Out", and if so how soon did they arrive?
2. What was the impact, if any, of your start to the campaign on your gates?

The reason I ask all this is not to revel in Schadenfreude; it is, instead, in order to try and prepare myself for what might lie in store for us if the mighty Blues have a mediocre start to next season - something which is entirely possible. After all, the worst thing about relegation is that, by the time you're down, losing has become a habit... and habits can be hard to break.

Yours, gloomily,

Matt

 

[C C Csiders]

Dear Jonny,

I have a geniune, not p*ss-taking question for you (eek!) - about last season.

What makes you think none of the previos posts were serious?:confused:

 

[NZamba Legend]

Dear Jonny

I am leader of the Winkle Crew, an up-and-coming firm of Southend 'casuals' (you have probably heard of us). Anyhow, this season we have made great leaps: none us pay concessions anymore, most of our voices have broken and we have started shouting things like "Ref, where's your guide dog". Our reputation is growing and we are probably the most scared of all hooligan firms outside the top-flight. Next season two of us will be starting judo and we are going to start sharing a can of Skol (nicked from my Dad's shed) before every home game. You could say things are looking good!

My dilemma is this:
One of our top boys has to go shopping most saturdays with his nan- should I kick him out the firm?

 

[sufcintheprem]

Dear Johnny,

I will shortly be changing roles in my company and my most likely destination is going to be poker analyst or competitor intelligence.

If you had to guess, as clearly agony uncles would never be privvy to this sort of thing, could you tell me what the key goals of Ladbrokes poker are for the next twelve months and the names of a few key accounts who operate on Ladbrokes?

Thanks in advance

Phil in the Prem

 

[TrueBlue]

Dear Jonny

Will Orient lads ever show? against us?

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Dear Jonny,

I have a geniune, not p*ss-taking question for you (eek!) - about last season.

What was the mood like amongst Orient fans in August 2006? Were you all in buoyant mood, expecting to storm League One? If you were, what was the reaction of most fans to the first few months of your campaign? Fury? Gallows humour? Stoical observation as to the fact that at least you were no longer in League Two? Two more questions:

1. Were there calls for "Ling Out", and if so how soon did they arrive?
2. What was the impact, if any, of your start to the campaign on your gates?

The reason I ask all this is not to revel in Schadenfreude; it is, instead, in order to try and prepare myself for what might lie in store for us if the mighty Blues have a mediocre start to next season - something which is entirely possible. After all, the worst thing about relegation is that, by the time you're down, losing has become a habit... and habits can be hard to break.

Yours, gloomily,

Matt

Dear Matthew,

In answer to your many, many questions:

1) Mindlessly confident rom the majority; gloomily realistic from those of us with any sense.
2) Miserable acceptance of impending relegation
3) Rrrrrarrrrrgh! :fury:
4) Saddam Hussein was executed last week by hanging. Or, as they call that in Iraq, death by natural causes - Jay Leno
5) But soon to be heading back there. Or so it seemed.
6) No, never. We really stuck by them all season. Plenty of muppets calling for his head on the boards, but not a peep at the grounds.
7) Our gates were crap the whole season. But then again that's what you get if you take the **** with price increases.

I like the cut of your gib, Sir. Unless you get off to a flier, I have no doubts that the "Tilson out" mob will be out in force. The clowns.

Love,

Uncle Jonny