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Ask Jonny

Forums New posts
southend4ever said:
Dear Jonny,

Matt Hall has recently just been injured while on loan at Billericay Town. He is only on a 6 month contract until Jan 1st. How do you rate his chances of becoming a success in league football. i note he was the only player of his age group to be offered a pro contract at the end of last season.

Rgds,

Southend4Ever
Click to expand...

Dear Southend4Ever,

Matt Hall was not the only player of his age group to be offered a contract - Daryl Sydes also got one. That said, Hall has just been released, and will no doubt be following the well-worn path of all useless Southend and Orient kids (Grays/Ebbsfleet > Tilbury/Canvey > Redbridge/Ilford > McDonald's).


Love,

Uncle Jonny
 
OldBlueLady said:
Dear Uncle Jonny

With my 148th birthday looming in the very near future, how can I convince the younger players (oops, I mean members) of our forum that I am genuinely a decent person and not some pyscho loony fruitcake?

Lotsa love

OBL
Click to expand...

Dear OBL,

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! No chance.


Love,

Uncle Jonny x
 
Jonny_Stokes said:
Dear OBL,

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! No chance.


Love,

Uncle Jonny x
Click to expand...

Huh! You can go right off some people, isn't this part of your job description that you are KIND to your correspondents?
 
Dear Johny
Having piled on nearly 6Ib since christmas day and my Bi Polar disorder rearing its ugly head due to yesterdays stuffing by the "C.U (sorry cant say the whole team name) can you please advise as to what I can do if your side stuffs us on monday. Its just that the antidepressants are having little effect due to the amount of alchohol I am consuming and what with the terrets starting..............feck...feck....feeeeeeeeeeeeeeck..oooooooorf, to play a major part in my social life how the hell am I supposed to get my life life back together with only one kidney and bleeding piles?

Winkle.
 
Dear Johnny,

The bar-room bores in my local, The Exchange, keep saying the same joke when they hear Lady Gaga on the jukebox. "Poker Face? It's not her face I'd like to poke. Fnarr fnarr."

Where can I purchase a detailed sketch of a hermaphrodite so as to shut them up and make them confront their latent bisexuality. But mainly to shut the hell up.

I have already tried contacting Dagenham & Redbridge FC but they say that their squad pics are sold out and used as a fireguard to frighten the kids away on the Heathway. And Anne Widdecombe has already taken out that injunction.

Yours in the fridge.

Groyney
 
Hmm, the surgery seems to have turned into a knocking shop in my absence...

Anyways, upon hearing the tragic news about the Lee Barnard sale, I figured there might be a few distraught souls about. The surgery is OPEN!
 
OldBlueLady said:
Huh! You can go right off some people, isn't this part of your job description that you are KIND to your correspondents?
Click to expand...

Dear OBL,

No, but I have installed a hearing loop at the reception desk, as well as a rack to hang your walking stick on.

Love,

Uncle Jonny x
 
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