Southend Useless XI

[Southend Neil]

Bearing in mind DTS mentioned about not including youth teamers with the occasional appearance I shall go with the following, otherwise the likes of Ashenden and Abiodun would be straight in.


Prudhoe

Morley Lewis Bressington

Harris Dublin
Gridlelet Livett Christophe

Campbell Webb

Suitably horriifc 5-3-2 formation with wing backs who cant defend or attack, the slowest centre halves I can think of, midfielders with no ability to pass a ball and inept forwards who couldn't win anything in the air and had no pace. With Alvin Martin managing I think they would give the current Barnet side a run for their money in terms of ineptitude.

 

[SouthLondonShrimper]

You sound just like my late father, i called him a clown plenty too just so you know .. possession of the ball is key, and King Kev hardly ever gave it away

This may be true but the ability to prevent yourself picking up needless yellow cards for dissent and giving away free kicks within a ten yard radius of the centre circle are also key.

Kevin Maher never broke a sweat, he was a sour faced, technically inept lower league player who punched above his weight for far too long at a time when every blues manager seemed to have an obsession with a holding midfielder rather than a free flowing attacking middle third to accomodate the talents at the time of players such as Forbes, Lee, Smith, Clark etc.

 

[Firestorm]

This is the one I was trying to think of.

I seem to remember being at an away game against Southampton (FA Cup I think) when new arrival Joe Allon was running up and down the touchline waving at us as if he was the next messiah.

Next match he was gone!

For me, definately the worst player to pull on a Southend shirt!

IIRC there was some alegations involving him having a go at Andy Ansah with a bottle , does anyone else recall that story ?

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

This may be true but the ability to prevent yourself picking up needless yellow cards for dissent and giving away free kicks within a ten yard radius of the centre circle are also key.

Kevin Maher never broke a sweat, he was a sour faced, technically inept lower league player who punched above his weight for far too long at a time when every blues manager seemed to have an obsession with a holding midfielder rather than a free flowing attacking middle third to accomodate the talents at the time of players such as Forbes, Lee, Smith, Clark etc.

Maher was technically very good. He did break sweat, but only on high days and holidays during the first half of his time here.

 

[Welly7]

i may be a clown but at least i can pass a ball forward rather than sideways and backwards.

If you're better than Maher, what you doing Saturday?!?!

 

[Norwichshrimper]

Maher was technically very good. He did break sweat, but only on high days and holidays during the first half of his time here.

Kevin Maher will always divide opinion on here, as to his true value to the team. But love him or hate him you would have to be bordering on ******** to put him in your Southend Useless X1

 

[SouthLondonShrimper]

******** or a lover of free flowing attacking football that we should of been embracing with the attacking quality that we had at the time? I spent far too much money and far too many cold, wet afternoons watching us grind out 0-0 draws against the likes of York City,Darlington,Exeter,Carlise,Macclesfield and having to listen to rose tinted glasses wearers pour out their undying love for a player who couldnt keep the ball,was slow and who for some unknown reason felt he had the ability to take every free kick,every corner and every penalty. To be fair the only time i ever saw him put in a sprint was whenever we won a corner and that may be down to the fact that even the ballboys were better set piece takers than him.

 

[Rattus Norvegicus]

We could also be discussing McCormack here ....... great at times (Maher's goals against QPR and the Barnsley FA Cup replay - Ron Martin on the pitch clapping the supporters ..:winking:..... for instance) but it might be that their reputation was better than their football by the time that they left (or in McCormack's case - lack of football as he was forever suspended for having a bigger mouth than a brain .....)

Didn't mean to be controversial ...... it just came out that way :omg:

 

[Norwichshrimper]

******** or a lover of free flowing attacking football that we should of been embracing with the attacking quality that we had at the time? I spent far too much money and far too many cold, wet afternoons watching us grind out 0-0 draws against the likes of York City,Darlington,Exeter,Carlise,Macclesfield and having to listen to rose tinted glasses wearers pour out their undying love for a player who couldnt keep the ball,was slow and who for some unknown reason felt he had the ability to take every free kick,every corner and every penalty. To be fair the only time i ever saw him put in a sprint was whenever we won a corner and that may be down to the fact that even the ballboys were better set piece takers than him.

All of that maybe true - this is not the thread to discuss, but if you can't find 11 more suitable players for your SUFC Useless XI then I respectfully suggest you haven't been looking hard enough.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

All of that maybe true - this is not the thread to discuss, but if you can't find 11 more suitable players for your SUFC Useless XI then I respectfully suggest you haven't been looking hard enough.

All true, except the bit about not being able to keep the ball, which rather undermines his whole argument.

 

[bumpkinblue]

Yes he was.

For some inexplicable reason, I have the "highlights" of, I think, the 95-96 season. We'd have conceded 60+ goals as per usual for a Keith Dublin defence and Dubbers is invariably out of position for pretty much all of them. As the defender taps in from 6 yards out, Dublin will be standing approximately 10-15 yards away pointing at where he should have been defending and the man he should have been marking.

That season we got relegated from the Championship, we conceded 91 goals and our keeper was man of the match most weeks. Still, that was the Championship you might say, but the following season we still conceded 89 goals!

I believe in his four full seasons at the club we had the worst defensive away record in the division on all four occasions. We'd have been on course for five in five (spread across three divisions), but fortunately he got dropped before he could condemn us to the conference.

Awful, awful player who is only fondly remembered because our form picked up when he went up front under Steve Thompson, conveniently ignoring the reason our form picked up was because we no longer had Keith Dublin at the back gifting the opposition three goals a game.

I remember Dublin against Manchester City,rather than hoofing the ball away from the edge of the area when he had all the time in the world,he much to the horror of the crowd, for the only time in his life decided to try and beat a player - who just so happened to be Georgi Kinkladze (rated at the time as possibly the best player outside the top division)who casually took the ball from him and thumped into the net - an astonishingly bizarre thing to do and the first time ever that i heard a Southend player booed for making a mistake.

 

[Blueshrimper]

R I spent far too much money and far too many cold, wet afternoons watching us grind out 0-0 draws against the likes of York City,Darlington,Exeter,Carlise,Macclesfield

Pretty sure all lower league fans have gone through games like that despite whoever is playing for them.

 

[undercovershrimper]

any team that doesnt have dubbers in it just isnt worth considering, a truly shocking player!

 

[canveyshrimper]

I'm in agreement with the Keith Dublin was crap party, but if you compare him like for like with Chris Ramsey, then Dublin is a comparative superstar.

And he didn't play in a FA Cup Final.

 

[BLUEBLOOD]

I'll always remember Dublin for heading us the winner at Vicarage Road one season, the only problem for Watford being he didn't sign for us until 3 years later :smile: :hilarious:

 

[Bazza the dog]

Peter Belsvik was pretty poor as was most of Alvin Martin and Alan Littles team so boring to watch and dreadful.

 

[Shrimpers are Magic]

IIRC there was some alegations involving him having a go at Andy Ansah with a bottle , does anyone else recall that story ?

maybe chinese whispers but I heard it was Allon trying to chat up someones bird in Mr B's and Ansah got in the way of a bottle heading for Allon's head.

 

[Firestorm]

maybe chinese whispers but I heard it was Allon trying to chat up someones bird in Mr B's and Ansah got in the way of a bottle heading for Allon's head.

Cheers,

Rumours were so different before the invention of t'interweb

 

[coventryshrimper]

Who was that geezer that came from Dream Team, and then showed us how we was indeed an actor rather than an actual footballer. He HAS to be in!

Also Roscoe D'sane. Only remember him playing 45 mins away at Shrewsbury, but I have never been as embarrassed taking a mate to a game, than when he could only laugh at Roscoe's lack of any footballing ability for the whole time he was on.

 

[Maidstone Shrimper]

Ah yes, the bloke from Dream Team ... Dean Holness. Well worth including. He managed two games for us, well part of one before behind subbed at half time and the last 5mins of another.

My team would be managed by the hapless Dick Bate:
Neville Southall
Chris Ramsey, Kevin Fallon, Dave Stone, Scott Malone
Ian Cowan, Alassane N'Diaye, John Chambers, Jason Harris
George Duck, Richard Young
Oh and a nomination for Peter Taylor as worst sub goalie, though perhaps that belongs in a separate thread of Worst Decisions by a Southend Manager (Arthur Rowley in this case).