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bedroom

  1. duncan bulgaria

    Stories your parents tell your missus about you as a kid to embarass you !!

    We've all been there fella's and ladies , took a new girl to meet the family and they get the old photos out etc and then start by telling stories about you as a kid and what you got up to . My ma has her favourite of many up her sleeve about me when i was living at home and she was out in the...
  2. Essex Hurricane Appeal

    ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Thursday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area...
  3. BLUEBLOOD

    How to start a fight

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming...
  4. Slipperduke

    Transfer Deadline Day, bit by bit.

    Transfer deadline day is one of the most exciting of the season and, with the window slamming shut right on our deadline, you're not going to miss a thing. We told Iain Macintosh to set his alarm clock early, power up his Blackberry, stay tuned to the news and scour the internet for rumours...
  5. toellandback

    Spam e-mails

    A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years ? Well, they're gone.' 'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened ?' His wife replies, 'Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself...
  6. chadded

    A good clean Thursday afternoon joke.

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were...
  7. labour lunacy !!!

    dear old labour, whilst they fleece thre taxpayers for every penny its been revealed the crazies are forking out 2.4 million on housing benefit for 16 families. these families were/are in 6/7 bedroom gaffs within very nice parts of london. £3,ooo per week rent x 16..........add their...
  8. Hotman

    Is it Right or Wrong to complain to a moderator and request Bans?

    Or should we value their time and input and let them do the job themselves? I know that in the last week I have been "grassed" on twice publicly, possibly more privately. A quick glance in the profile messages of certain other users would suggest that there are some semi private complaints...
  9. SUFCEssex

    A few funnies

    Clearing out my desk at work and found the jokes below they are old. What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who: comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says "you're next fatty." Man walks into the bedroom...
  10. Andy_Shrimp

    Your New Home

    Was listestening to Vine on Radio 2 a few days ago. The subject was "Would You Buy a House that had been "Repo"" One guy came on and said that it was all the homeowners fault and he had no sympathy. Others had no problem. Then what seemed a majority said that it would have bad Karma. I...
  11. canveyshrimper

    Gary Glitter jokes - do not read if easily offended

    I've just heard that Gary Glitter has been arrested for having Class A drugs in his lounge room, Class B drugs in his kitchen and Class 5C in his bedroom.:)
  12. Winkle

    Ann Summers?

    I was driving to work this morning and started thinking about, "If I was to open a mens only shop for female shoppers what would I call it? Not that I frequent "Ann summers" on a regular basis, just the odd birthday and christmas present for the beloved, (Incidently only buying what I see as...
  13. Barrett Banter

    Barrett's Banter: I’m really chuffed at great start 8:50am Thursday 21st August 2008 By Adam Barrett » WE’VE taken four points from our first two games of the season and I think that’s the best start we’ve had since I’ve been at the club. We normally take a little while to get going so the...
  14. Harold Bishop Killer

    How To Shower

    How to shower like a woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloureds. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental...
  15. Harold Bishop Killer

    Chat Up Lines

    All guys have been there. You are in a bar and you notice a young hotty over in the corner. You catch given you a quick glance. You look back again to make sure it wasnt the alcohol playing tricks on you. no definitely she was checking you out. Your heart races that little bit more, you begin to...
  16. Medway Blue

    Hehehe

    The Excuse - Joke The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want...
  17. Harold Bishop Killer

    Why I Fired My Secretary

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. . I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy...
  18. Harold Bishop Killer

    Housekeeping Guide - 1955 Style

    Advice from 'Housekeeping Weekly' in 1955. These were the days. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are...
  19. Harold Bishop Killer

    IT Help

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old Next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied...
  20. Harold Bishop Killer

    (NSFW 18+) Blonde Genies

    A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next...
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