Southend Useless XI

[canveyshrimper]

People...we need to work harder on this.
I'm not happy about including Prudhoe, Southall, Lampard and Whymark...they weren't bad players, they were just rubbish when they reached us.
Equally there are a lot of names like Warren, Dublin, Paynter, Cook etc..OK they weren't very good...but we need players who were just **** full stop.

I would like to put forward

Graeme Jones
Neville Roach
Andy Harris
Carl Hutchings
I'm now going to go and think of some crap midfielders..........

Billy Kellock?

 

[Cricko]

Never really rated Lampard senior, but his career stats are pretty good at the highest level. However he was crap and a crock by the time he arrived at Roots Hall.

Is Neil Harris his brother? :whistling:

 

[canveyshrimper]

Is Neil Harris his brother? :whistling:

:smile: Unfair I think mate.

 

[Firestorm]

People...we need to work harder on this.
I'm not happy about including Prudhoe, Southall, Lampard and Whymark...they weren't bad players, they were just rubbish when they reached us.
Equally there are a lot of names like Warren, Dublin, Paynter, Cook etc..OK they weren't very good...but we need players who were just **** full stop.

I would like to put forward

Graeme Jones
Neville Roach
Andy Harris
Carl Hutchings
I'm now going to go and think of some crap midfielders..........

From a personal perspective Hutchins never instilled that feeling of doom when in possession of the Ball as did the likes of Mark "end of move" Hone

Whymark may well have been a decent player in his day, but I have never seen anything so slow in a blue shirt EVER, he was absolutely woeful for us.

I did not include him , but some years ago, travelling back from Loftus road CC51DAS asked, "that McNally , strange name hes got isn't it ?" when pressed, as we thought Mark was a pretty standard name he said that as he heard so many people mutter S**t ball McNally that he thought it was his Christian name

 

[Flinty]

I liked Billy Kellock...........how about Lil Fuccello !!!!!

 

[alginon1]

Waren May a bit unfair
had a big problem with Mildenhall (GK) blamed everybody else except himself
and dear old Gary More (CF)

 

[Rattus Norvegicus]

Can't agree Dan_Mays about including Tommy Black - yes, not the best player we have ever had but away at Hartlepools one year, he scored 2 upfront by himself when the rest of the team struggled and was ravaged by injury/suspensions etcetera ......... that one performance alone pushes him out of the worst team ever contest for me ........

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Agreed I think Dublin is harsh actually. He wasnt good but he wasnt usless either....

Yes he was.

For some inexplicable reason, I have the "highlights" of, I think, the 95-96 season. We'd have conceded 60+ goals as per usual for a Keith Dublin defence and Dubbers is invariably out of position for pretty much all of them. As the defender taps in from 6 yards out, Dublin will be standing approximately 10-15 yards away pointing at where he should have been defending and the man he should have been marking.

That season we got relegated from the Championship, we conceded 91 goals and our keeper was man of the match most weeks. Still, that was the Championship you might say, but the following season we still conceded 89 goals!

I believe in his four full seasons at the club we had the worst defensive away record in the division on all four occasions. We'd have been on course for five in five (spread across three divisions), but fortunately he got dropped before he could condemn us to the conference.

Awful, awful player who is only fondly remembered because our form picked up when he went up front under Steve Thompson, conveniently ignoring the reason our form picked up was because we no longer had Keith Dublin at the back gifting the opposition three goals a game.

 

[Shrimpergonzo]

From a point of view of being disappointing, and not living up to my expectations I give you:

Michael Ricketts
Marek Szmid
Francisco Cagigao
Richard Young
Trevor Whymark
Kevin O'Callaghan
Chris Ramsey

And how the manager can be anyone other than Dick Bate, I don't know. Yes Alvin Martin was very very bad, but Bate was 10 times worse than him!

 

[Onion_Bag_Dave]

I reckon we might be able to name and start our own league with 4 divisions with 25 players signed up to 92 teams with the amount of prettyyyyyy useless stuff we've had!

 

[Firestorm]

From a point of view of being disappointing, and not living up to my expectations I give you:

Michael Ricketts
Marek Szmid
Francisco Cagigao
Richard Young
Trevor Whymark
Kevin O'Callaghan
Chris Ramsey
And how the manager can be anyone other than Dick Bate, I don't know. Yes Alvin Martin was very very bad, but Bate was 10 times worse than him!

How did I forget those two

Dead on Arrival was the nickname we gave O'Callaghan, famous not for his footballing exploits but his appearance in escape to Victory

Ramsey was in a cup Final y'know

And I agree Martin was clueless, Bate could only aspire to being clueless

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

How did I forget those two

Dead on Arrival was the nickname we gave O'Callaghan, famous not for his footballing exploits but his appearance in escape to Victory

Ramsey was in a cup Final y'know

And I agree Martin was clueless, Bate could only aspire to being clueless

'Make it a clean break boss' said young Kev as he gave up his arm and his freedom so that Stallone could take his place between the sticks. We were all screaming the same thing at Webby once we saw him play.

 

[Napster]

Oh, ok, Chris Ramsay was pretty bad.

If only we had Opta in those days.

 

[DTS]

I think Carl Hutchings was a good quality player. We looked a worse sid went he did the unthinkable and went to Brentford.

Tommy Cack was woeful but as well as Hartlepool he was also very at Bournemouth once....we won 4-2

Marek Szmid is a bit unfair as I think he only made two subs apperances so you cant really say he was useless.

 

[Onion_Bag_Dave]

I think Carl Hutchings was a good quality player. We looked a worse sid went he did the unthinkable and went to Brentford.

I rated Hutchings, he was solid and had dreadlocks. Every side should have a bloke with dreads!

 

[Fish]

Yes he was.

For some inexplicable reason, I have the "highlights" of, I think, the 95-96 season. We'd have conceded 60+ goals as per usual for a Keith Dublin defence and Dubbers is invariably out of position for pretty much all of them. As the defender taps in from 6 yards out, Dublin will be standing approximately 10-15 yards away pointing at where he should have been defending and the man he should have been marking.

That season we got relegated from the Championship, we conceded 91 goals and our keeper was man of the match most weeks. Still, that was the Championship you might say, but the following season we still conceded 89 goals!

I believe in his four full seasons at the club we had the worst defensive away record in the division on all four occasions. We'd have been on course for five in five (spread across three divisions), but fortunately he got dropped before he could condemn us to the conference.

Awful, awful player who is only fondly remembered because our form picked up when he went up front under Steve Thompson, conveniently ignoring the reason our form picked up was because we no longer had Keith Dublin at the back gifting the opposition three goals a game.

Quality Comedy epitaph.

 

[onceknownasrab]

Am I alone in thinking that a certain Mr. R. Whelan was poo in the extreme as player and manager. A double whammy of poo by a guy living on memories.

 

[05smithr]

Blair Sturrock?????????

 

[Mick]

had a big problem with Mildenhall (GK) blamed everybody else except himself
and dear old Gary More (CF)

Yeah, Gary Moore was dreadful wasn't he ? Just the 55 goals.

 

[hamburgshrimper]

Gary Poole, wasn't he our record signing at the time.
Can't believe dave regis hasn't been mentioned on here, he was cack imo.