Does this only appeal to ladies' sense of humour?

[Hotman]

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

how does Jacko know that it is bed time?

When Mickey's big hand touches the little hand

 

[Ricey]

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

Jesus Jon if your going to post a joke to beat Kay's poor attempt you have got to post something funnier than that, didn't even raise a smile. Michael Jackson jokes are as old as Cricko.

 

[Hotman]

why does Mickael Jackson put Cheese on his ****?

Because kids love the taste of Dairylee

 

[Pubey]

Jesus Jon if your going to post a joke to beat Kay's poor attempt you have got to post something funnier than that, didn't even raise a smile. Michael Jackson jokes are as old as Cricko.

sorry i thought this was the sh*te joke thread!

I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one ready meal and one tin of soup.

I leaned over and said "You're single aren't you?"

"How can you tell?" she said in a sarcastic tone,

I said "Because you're an ugly (unt!"

 

[Pubey]

An Essex guy and an Essex girl are making out in his car when the girl says, "Put your finger inside of me!"
He is only too willing to oblige.
"Put another finger inside of me!"
So he does.
"Put your whole hand inside of me!" she says, moaning in pleasure.
"Now put both hands inside of me!" she screams.
"Now clap!" she gasps.
"I can't clap!" replied the guy.
"Tight, aren't I?" she smiles.

 

[OldBlueLady]

Try this one then, both of these, incidentally were forwarded on by MALE friends

The Bottle of Wine
​

For all women who are married, were married, wish they were married or wish they weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine.​

Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking along the side of the dusty, desert road. As the road was a long and quiet one, she stopped and asked the woman if she needed a lift.​

With a silent nod of thanks the old woman got in the car. Resuming the journey, Mary tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail within the car, until her gaze fixed upon a brown bag on the back shelf.​

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Mary looked at the bag in her rear view mirror and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for a moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder she said​

"Good trade....."​

 

[osymandus]

ROFL , i found it hilarious , Pubey your a twit

both jokes btw

 

[OldBlueLady]

ROFL , i found it hilarious , Pubey your a twit

both jokes btw

Thank you! An enlightened male personage!

 

[davewebbsbrain]

This landed in my email inbox this morning and all the ladies I've shown it to have found it really very funny, so does it have the same effect on men or is the whole subject area such a taboo one that it's beyond you?
​

The Facecloth​

I was due for a routine cervical smear with the Doctor later in the week, when, early this morning I received a call from the Doctor's office to tell me the appointment had to be urgently rescheduled for this morning at 9.30. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school and it was already 8.45, and as the journey to the surgery took about half an hour I didn't have any time to spare.​

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over "hygiene" when making such visits, but this time wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs to the bathroom, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth that was sitting by the sink and gave myself a quick wash in the necessary area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the laundry basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.​

I was in the waiting room for only a few moments when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as most women will, I hopped up on the table, discarded my lower garments and proceded to fix my attention on the opposite side of the room and pretend I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the Doctor suddenly exclaimed "My, we have made an extra effort this morning haven't we?!" I didn't respond, there didn't seem anything appropriate to say.​

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief, got dressed and went home. The rest of the day was spent quite normally - shopping, cleaning etc.​

Later, after I got home from picking my 7 year old daughter up from school, she called out from the bathroom "Mummy, where's my facecloth?" I told her to get a clean one from the cupboard.​

She replied "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter saved inside it!"​

I am never going back to that Doctor, ever!​

Made me laugh!!

Is that why it's called a twinkle??

 

[Hotman]

Try this one then, both of these, incidentally were forwarded on by MALE friends

The Bottle of Wine
​

For all women who are married, were married, wish they were married or wish they weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine.​

Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking along the side of the dusty, desert road. As the road was a long and quiet one, she stopped and asked the woman if she needed a lift.​

With a silent nod of thanks the old woman got in the car. Resuming the journey, Mary tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail within the car, until her gaze fixed upon a brown bag on the back shelf.​

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Mary looked at the bag in her rear view mirror and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for a moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder she said​

"Good trade....."​

:stunned: learn when to stop!!

 

[Hotman]

Made me laugh!!

Is that why it's called a twinkle??

that would be better applied to the **** Cloth version

 

[OldBlueLady]

Made me laugh!!

Is that why it's called a twinkle??

And another, and I'll not comment on that!

 

[Southend_Lady]

Wow some men are so sexist! When men get together (as they have done on this thread) - it seems they feel a need to be sexist to get the approval of other men, its almost animal like.....there's no need for it.

 

[Hotman]

Wow some men are so sexist! When men get together (as they have done on this thread) - it seems they feel a need to be sexist to get the approval of other men, its almost animal like.....there's no need for it.

honest answer, did you find the first joke funny?

 

[Hotman]

if so, it seems like you are seeking the approval of other women

 

[Southend_Lady]

I heard it about a year ago and when I read it the first time I thought it was a good joke but this time it was a case of "heard it before". However its personal opinion and whether some of the blokes on here found it funny or not, there was no need for some to come out with sexist jokes about women. Esp when some clearly do it to gain male street cred and rep most likely! Its sad really.

 

[Hotman]

its only jokes!

Just to even up

What do you call the useless bit of skin on the end of a ****?
































A man


(but , was i tempted to say a woman...)

 

[seany t]

The initial joke was what a few girls I've worked with in the past would deem a one liner

And to be fair, a few blokes too...

 

[sufc_tom]

That 2nd one was better than the first.

 

[Ricey]

I heard it about a year ago and when I read it the first time I thought it was a good joke but this time it was a case of "heard it before". However its personal opinion and whether some of the blokes on here found it funny or not, there was no need for some to come out with sexist jokes about women. Esp when some clearly do it to gain male street cred and rep most likely! Its sad really.

The word 'bandwagon' comes to mind too. Sheep BAAA lets all follow because everyone else is making sexist remarks. It was a simple question from Kay about whether men have the same sense of humour as women. I watch female comedians and don't find them funny but I am not going to be harsh about women and make sexist remarks on here its just not on.