Dear Macca - Agony Uncle Alan McCormack

[Dave Smiths Love Child]

Dear Macca

I was once an England player, who has moved to several clubs at such a young age, I then found happiness in a shape of a burger, but I have a major issue, should it be McDonalds or Burger King I choose on a daily consumption

Yours

M.R

 

[Forever A Shrimper]

Dear Mr. McCormack,

Everyone hates me. I'm ginger and I have an obsessive tendency to walk away from what I am legally obliged to do at the first whiff of anything but perfection. I love money and will do whatever I have to do to get it, even if that includes screwing everybody over.

Help me.

Mr. N Bailey

P.s. This dream move wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

 

[Forever A Shrimper]

Dear Macca,

Have you seen the warchest anywhere? Can't for the life of me remember where I put it.

Ronald Martin,

 

[turkishm]

Dear Macca,

Have you seen the warchest anywhere? Can't for the life of me remember where I put it.

Ronald Martin,

Ask Beefy he is an expert on Rons Warchest.

 

[Pubey]

Dear Macca,

I can't believe you broke my ribs, you ****er.

LS

 

[shaneyshrimper]

Dear Macca,

I have been having nightmares that I support a football team that cant buy any new players.
can you help!!!

 

[Flinty]

Dear Macca

Have a word down there i have been sitting in this bloody motorway layby for 2 days now. Am i f**cking signing or not ?

Jean

 

[Jedi Shrimper]

Dear Uncle Mac,

I'm a footballer in league one, and while I'm clearly the next Pele I'm having a little trouble getting into the team. I got rid of one of my competitors by winding him up so much he hit me, the next one I persuaded that he needed a "dream move", and the new lad now has a fractured rib. There's just this stubborn irish one in my way now, any suggestions?

Yours,

Alces Alces

 

[Cricko]

Dear Macca I cannot get over JESSICA BIEL..I have kept her in my signature for months now hoping that some wrong has occured and maybe she still has a chance in the Totty Cup, Can you help with this at all.

All the best mate

Flinty.

 

[TBV_Dan]

Dear Alan,
I walk down the road to Waitrose in Southend every day to get my shopping, and every day, I have seen an UFO go flying out of the fields nearby at high speeds, and landing in the car park. When I first saw this, I thought nothing of it, and just ignored it, but lately, it has become more frequent. I thought I was seeing things, but everyone else I asked saw it as well, what should I do about it?

 

[Pubey]

Dear Alan,
I walk down the road to Waitrose in Southend every day to get my shopping, and every day, I have seen an UFO go flying out of the fields nearby at high speeds, and landing in the car park. When I first saw this, I thought nothing of it, and just ignored it, but lately, it has become more frequent. I thought I was seeing things, but everyone else I asked saw it as well, what should I do about it?

Dear Supershrimper1,

Top of the mornin' to you!

Don't you worry laddie, they're not UFO's, but just some of my wayward shots from training over at Boots and Laces. If you follow the flight of the ball and see where it lands on the horizon, you'll find Richie Foran dressed in green with a large pot of gold.

Thanks,

Al

 

[BoyWonder2]

Dear Macca,

Can I have the money you owe for my broken windows in the flats behind the South Stand. You currently owe £2,567.38 in damages.

Yours sincerely,

Floor 82, flat 72.

 

[Pubey]

Dear Macca,

Can I have the money you owe for my broken windows in the flats behind the South Stand. You currently owe £2,567.38 in damages.

Yours sincerely,

Floor 82, flat 72.

82nd floor??!!:stunned:





















...Macca's shots go miles higher than that (and so do his penalties!)

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

It's no Ask Jonny.

 

[BoyWonder2]

Dear Jonny,

I'm a fan of another side, but I'm always on a Southend United website, and I've contributed 3,532 posts to it so far.

Am I a closet Shrimper?

Yours sincerely,

JS.

 

[OldBlueLady]

82nd floor??!!:stunned:

...Macca's shots go miles higher than that (and so do his penalties!)

Bloody leave him alone! At least he shoots from range :p

 

[Dave of the Match]

Dear Alan,

How can I refrain myself from belting out a load of b/s to all the players of Southend United about how **** they all are whilst still trying to impress my mates?

Kind regards,
On behalf of all the tossers.

 

[The Late One]

Dear Alan,

Since I have kept you on, can you please answer me one thing... When should I next go and have a walk around the pitch waving to the fans.

I did think about waiting until after we next win a game but I was really hoping to do it this season.

RM

 

[manor15]

Dear Alan,
An old lady who claims to be blue is stalking me. I had never heard of her and she added me on Facebook and won't leave me alone. She constantly messages me arranging to meet up at events for my football team and has a million photographs taken with me. The most worrying bit is that she doesn't stop asking me how my groin injury is, and I've never had 1! I'm trying to get rid of her but she won't leave me alone!
Please help!
Thankyou,
manor15