Dear Macca - Agony Uncle Alan McCormack

[McScriven]

Hi All,

Blues midfielder Alan McCormack is set to launch a new Agony Uncle feature in our Blues News newspaper from the end of the season.

The tough talking no nonsense player is set to offer his advice on a range of matters to supporters.

You've all seen Dear Deirdre, now read Dear Macca!

Is your Mrs. giving you grief indoors?
Are you part of a three-way love triangle?
Or do you have problems with your Sunday League football side?

If so we want to hear from you on any subject as Macca bids to offer his honest and frank advice.

Simply email us at media@southend-united.co.uk and Alan's advice is just around the corner.

The best letters will get published in the next issue of Blues News.

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Hi All,

Blues midfielder Alan McCormack is set to launch a new Agony Uncle feature in our Blues News newspaper from the end of the season.

The tough talking no nonsense player is set to offer his advice on a range of matters to supporters.

You've all seen Dear Deirdre, now read Dear Macca!

Is your Mrs. giving you grief indoors?
Are you part of a three-way love triangle?
Or do you have problems with your Sunday League football side?

If so we want to hear from you on any subject as Macca bids to offer his honest and frank advice.

Simply email us at media@southend-united.co.uk and Alan's advice is just around the corner.

The best letters will get published in the next issue of Blues News.

MK.......i will get you a copy mate!!!

 

[Pubey]

MG.......i will get you a copy mate!!!

edited.....

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

edited.....

You're on form today son! :clap:

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Dear Macca,

Every time I step onto a football pitch, I seem to be possessed by an uncontrollable rage which results in me flying into challenges, squaring up to opposition players, and as a result, picking up loads of yellow cards.

What do you suggest I do about this, in order to avoid lots of unnecessary suspensions when my team-mates may need me the most?

Yours,

Deidre

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Dear Macca,

Every time I step onto a football pitch, I seem to be possessed by an uncontrollable rage which results in me flying into challenges, squaring up to opposition players, and as a result, picking up loads of yellow cards.

What do you suggest I do about this, in order to avoid lots of unnecessary suspensions when my team-mates may need me the most?

Yours,

Deidre

Quality............would love to see his reply to that.

 

[A Century United]

Dear Macca,

For the last ten years, I have been very happily married and settled with the love of my life. I thought things would never change but suddenly there have been arguements and fights and now I have been thrown out and have to live at my cousin's rather down-at-heel place over the river. What did I do wrong, and how can I make things right again?

Thanks in anticipation

Kev

 

[SARF]

Dear Mac,
Can I come back .. No one talks to me here..
.
.
Freddy .. no fixed abode..

 

[EastStandBlue]

Hi All,

Blues midfielder Alan McCormack is set to launch a new Agony Uncle feature in our Blues News newspaper from the end of the season.

The tough talking no nonsense player is set to offer his advice on a range of matters to supporters.

You've all seen Dear Deirdre, now read Dear Macca!

Is your Mrs. giving you grief indoors?
Are you part of a three-way love triangle?
Or do you have problems with your Sunday League football side?

If so we want to hear from you on any subject as Macca bids to offer his honest and frank advice.

Simply email us at media@southend-united.co.uk and Alan's advice is just around the corner.

The best letters will get published in the next issue of Blues News.

Surely Richie could just ask him for help?

EDIT: I see someone's already been there...

 

[Tin Bath]

Dear Mac,
Can I come back .. No one talks to me here..
.
.
Freddy .. no fixed abode..

That made me giggle

 

[EastStandBlue]

Dear Mac,
Recently, in my workplace, i've found myself being constantly berated and shouted at by my coworkers. I think this is unjustified... I mean, sure I don't do all the work I should be doing and, perhaps I don't put 100% in at all times but I'm always nice to them. This distress has caused me to comfort eat, which further stops me from doing my job well and it's getting me down.

Thanks, Tommy B.

 

[The General]

I can see this thread turning into SZ Gold!

 

[DTS]

Dear Macca.

I am a middle age man who supports Southend and I am going through an identity crisis. I have always been on of the lads, beers down the spread, full on raids of the fish house near the ground, sex with cheap elderly prossies all the usual sort of stuff .

However of late I have found myself wanting to dress and talk like a african amercian hoody. It has got so bad that despite being a slightly portly man this weekend I decided to wear some really baggy trousers and at half maste. Instead of my usual fish and chips I decided to go for jerk chicken and rice and the pea.

Hit me back Mo Fo and let me know how its hangign you get me bumber clot.

Thanks
Capital City Thinso.

 

[Pubey]

Dear Macca,

Being a wealthy man like myself, I was hoping for your advice on a rather personal matter.

My butler, Jeeves, began his slaveship with enthusiasm and good grace. He was delighted with his cell, thought his stale bread and dripping was manna from heaven, and whilst not a homosexual, he provided adequate sexual favours on those cold winter evenings.

However recently I found that behind a large poster of me that he has on his cell wall, he has been secretly excavating an escape tunnel using a stale baguette and own fingernails.

My question, dear Macca, is how do you get your butler to love you?

Best wishes,

Matthew von Shrimmp

 

[fredheim_holm]

Scriv, this is a class move! I may get the program now, just for the laughs! I hope he offers real replies rather then toned down ones!

 

[ldnfatso]

South Coast Blues

Dear Macca

I am a cross dressing confused mortgage broker from Brighton. For the last few years i have been in denial about my se><uality. I have an Asian girlfriend and a Welsh boyfriend, i know i should give one up but i don't know which one to choose (it's driving me nuts)! My friend at work (Neb is his name) calls me a sick pig, which is ironic coz farmland animals have been arousing me of late too.

My dad suspects i am a bit odd but is reluctant to approach me about it. I think he is ashamed. All we talk about is football instead.
I am concerned that my se><ual tendencies are not normal and soon i'll be wanting relations with anything with a pulse.

As i look to you as a no nonsence god like figure i ask what if anything i should give up bearing in mind my health will be at risk if i carry on? Also should i move to Vietnam before i am arrested?

Yours

A confused

David the Large Prawn Catcher - Mon - Thurs Inclusive
or
Davinia the Large Prawn Catcher - Fri - Sun Inclusive

 

[McNasty]

Dear Macca,
I need your help because I own a club in London full of celebrities and as I am getting a bit old I have trouble finding a young lady that wants to slide down my pole-dancing pole. I end up resorting to chatting up ladies on one of those dodgy web-sites you get when you Google the words "score fan Blue get-in-there" and none of them want me . They say I'm very old and look silly when I drop my trousers and show them my thong.
Can you help me before it's too late and my willy stops working.
Cheers
Lawrence Strangefellow.

 

[Rayleigh boy]

Dear Macca,

My wife has been complaining about being left alone on match days. I asked for her understanding and asked if I could get her anything to compensate.

When I bought home a lovely long haired arabian bunny she burst into tears and said that it wasn't the right sort of rabbit.

I am not the jealous sort but do you think I should be concerned ?

Waiting anxiously.

Eric.

PS - Why did she tell me her phone needed Duracell batteries - surely the ordinary ones should be adequate ?

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

Dear Macca,

An age old problem, but does size matter?

All the best.

Darryl F

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Folks, you have excelled yourselves here. Keep 'em coming!

:clap: