Your "Carry On" moment

[Winkle]

Back in the mid eighties, I was travelling too Fenchurch street everyday as I had just started a new job.These where the days of single carriages and smoking was allowed, so after a few weeks I used to position myself on the platform roughly where I thought the smoking carriages would be. Seeing regular smokers doing the same a young minx of a girl ( most shagable) was often in my carriage and we would make eye contact and the odd flirty hello. Well, after a few weeks, we where standing together on the platform and it started chucking it down with rain.The train eventually arrived and I jumped on the train and held the door open for her to which she replied thanks and we started to chat about the rain, the trains and stuff and I am really thinking(I would absoulutley love to drop anchor off your bum island)
Anyway, things where going swimmimgly by West Horndon, by Barking we was talking as if we had nown each other for years and I couldnt wait for stepney as I was going to ask her out for a drink. Flirty giggles where going too and throw and she pulled a cigerette out of her bag and said if you have a light I will give you a cigerette, ok I said.
Around the time everyone was buying these gold ronson lighters that had a little wheel flame ajustment on the side, and I had been given one as a present a couple of monthes before. I proceded to fumble around and located said lighter in pocket of very tight FARAH slacks.( think you now by know what coming next) she lent towards me and I flicked the lighter down casually and a flame shot out not unlike a flamethrower which resulted in the removal of her eyebrow hair and a large chunk of fringe! Know burning hair has a certain smell about it, and in trying to stop the cascade of fire from spreading instinctivly I started beating the flames out around her head.
It all went very serious for a moment and I assured her that It was only a very small part of her hair that had gone up in flames and that it was hardly noticeable......What a liar I was, because in fact there was a very, very big part of her fringe that was missing.
I made my excuses at fenchurch street after repeated apologies and beated a hasty retreat round to tower hill. I could never face her again and for the ensuing monthes caught the earlier train into london.

 

[londonblue]

Finally i've remembered something that happened to me when I was a student in London. One morning I was very thirsty so I stopped to buy a can of coke, I also realised I was late and ran for the train. I made it, and sat down on the district line train puffing like you've never heard. I waited a couple of minutes to calm down and also to assess the people on the train, as you do. Everyone opposite me was wearing a suit and was on their way to work.

Finally I had calmed down enough to open my can of coke. This was in 1989, when the can rings opened the other way, and as soon as I opened the can a spray of coke burst out and hit the guy directly opposite me. Instinctively I put my had in front of the can, but all this did was turn the one spray into three, and each was perfectly aimed at other people opposite me! In a matter of seconds I had sprayed half a can of coke over three people on their way to work in the morning, and they would have to wear coke stained clothes all day.

I tried so hard to apologise, but couldn't stop laughing long enough. Needless to say I got off at the next stop and waited for the next train.

 

[Clarky_Blues]

When we were a lot younger we had a couple of right old miserable gits as neighbours, the type who used to have a go at you for playing football in the street and go mad when the ball went in their garden, one particular chap used to take great pleasure in washing his car whilst we played footy so he could conviscate our ball if it went near him and on many occasions it would re-appear the next day on the street totally flat. Well one night we plotted to get our own back on 'Mean Man' as we used to call him. I can still remember it vividly now - it was a cold dark night and myself, Matt G and Matt D went in to action. Banana up the guys car exhaust, shaving foam over his car, silly string on the front door. We made our way back to the shed in Matt G's back garden when Matt D announces that he has one final treat - so we follow to the edge of the drive and from his pants he pulls out a jazz mag and decides to rip out a few of the best pages and stuff it through this guys letterbox but in the process gets his hand stuck in the letterbox and we can see Mean Man coming down the hallway to the front door wondering what all the commotion was - just as he is about to open the door Matt D frees his hand and legs it back over the fence to Matt G's shed. All of a sudden you can Mean Man banging on Matt G's front door going off at Matt G's Mum and she is protecting his innocence saying he is upstairs - so she shouts up telling him to come down with no reply - goes upstairs and he is not there! By this time Matt G is nearly in tears and we are nearly wetting ourselves with laughter. Mean Man was ranting and raving whilst Matt G's Mum did her best to calm him down and apologise. Anyway eventually Mean Man disappeared and we all went home via the scenic route - next thing Matt G rings me to come down to his house which I do to be greeted by his Mum and Dad in stitches in the kitchen! The days of being young - class!

 

[steveo]

We moved into a new house and the wife bought a new light fitting for the dining room. This fitting was quite heavy and needed fixing securely into a rafter. After a few unsuccessfull attempts to locate one I sent the missus into the loft. Measured the same distance from two walls in the loft as I had from the dining room and drilled through the ceiling. Wife couldnt see the drill, stupid woman, so I made a few more holes and poked a long screw driver through the hole which she still couldnt see. Messed around doing this for ages until it dawned on me that we were living in a two storey house, me on the gorund floor, her in the loft.

I managed to top this on the same day when the kitchen sink was blocked with a sink full of water in it. Got a bucket, undid the u-bend, and drained the water into the bucket. Took the ubend outside and cleared the blockage. No problem, all sorted. Went back inside, picked up the bucket and promptly poured the contents down the sink. Unfortunately still had the u bend in my hand.

 

[JoshC]

DIY not your strong point then?

 

[londonblue]

We moved into a new house and the wife bought a new light fitting for the dining room. This fitting was quite heavy and needed fixing securely into a rafter. After a few unsuccessfull attempts to locate one I sent the missus into the loft. Measured the same distance from two walls in the loft as I had from the dining room and drilled through the ceiling. Wife couldnt see the drill, stupid woman, so I made a few more holes and poked a long screw driver through the hole which she still couldnt see. Messed around doing this for ages until it dawned on me that we were living in a two storey house, me on the gorund floor, her in the loft.

I managed to top this on the same day when the kitchen sink was blocked with a sink full of water in it. Got a bucket, undid the u-bend, and drained the water into the bucket. Took the ubend outside and cleared the blockage. No problem, all sorted. Went back inside, picked up the bucket and promptly poured the contents down the sink. Unfortunately still had the u bend in my hand.

That is right up there with Del and Rodney!

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Back to a true "Carry On" moment, methinks.

About four years ago, myself and she-who-must-not-be-named (see: threads passim) had gone from her place at uni in Bristol to visit a mate of mine in Bath.

After watching Bath City beat Welling we arrived back at his in time to watch the televised game. Arsenal were playing (I forget their opponents) and we settled down to watch the game with his family. This was the first time SWMNBN had met his parents, and after a cursory introduction she said not another word to them (mostly because we were all just watching the football).

After about five minutes, the Arsenal goalkeeper at the time made a great save to many comments of admiration from the assembled viewers. Once the ball had been scrambled away, the camera flicked to a close-up of the keeper, at which point the dizzy tart piped up with the now-immortal line:

"I don't like Seaman".

She's never lived it down....

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

myself and she-who-must-not-be-named (see: threads passim)

*Jonny in 'dating Voldemort' shocker...*

:p