Your "Carry On" moment

[Davros]

When I started uni last year me and my flat decided before a night out we would try making some cocktails. Anyway, off we trotted to town to get something to mix the drinks in. We walked into a shop in the town centre and thinking it would be quicker to ask than search for the items I walked up to one of the shop assistants and promptly said:

"Excuse me, Have you got any big jugs?"
to which she replied: "No love, but she has quite large ones!" (pointing at another assisstant)

The end result - a red faced me and lots of **** taking from my mates!

you go disco dancing with your property??

 

[C C Csiders]

I am beginning to wonder if this is a generational thing.
Other than my 1st serious g/f and a couple of dirty old scrubbers along the way, hardly any of the women I've "known" have gone for the full shave. They mostly kept it tidy but never the real deal. In fact, I can think of nothing more minging than an unkempt "lady-garden" :minger:

Maybe there's a Friday poll in that statement Dave my boy?

Definitely a poll, Dave - as opposed to a pole. But at what point did DtS decide to edit the word flange for growler?

The early 60's, I believe, was the zenith of the fully clipped minky. With the nadir certainly being the mid to late 70's where it was commonplace to have a full spread from thigh to thigh.

 

[Slipperduke]

I am beginning to wonder if this is a generational thing.
Other than my 1st serious g/f and a couple of dirty old scrubbers along the way, hardly any of the women I've "known" have gone for the full shave. They mostly kept it tidy but never the real deal. In fact, I can think of nothing more minging than an unkempt "lady-garden" :minger:

Maybe there's a Friday poll in that statement Dave my boy?

The full shave is a dangerous thing. I got a nasty stubble rash from that once.

 

[DTS]

Just thought of another one...

My mate Dickie (AKA The Pilot from past stories) met this bird Speed dating. Must say she was pretty tasty. Somehow he managed to get her back to his for a date. What better way to impress a woman that to cook for her.

My mate decided to cook Fajitas which i thought was a tad ambitious as they can be a bit messy for a first date but each to there own.

Anyway I think she had told him that she really liked spicy food so he put decided to put peppers in there. Like all good chefs he used fresh ingredients. He cut and chopped the peppers amonst other things himself.

The dinner went well and before he knew it he was game on. Wont go into too much detail as it is a family site (So I am told) but basically he ended up being a very lucky boy and feeding the pony.

As he started all was going well. However within seconds he noticed she was starting to wince a bit. First of all he thought it was a wince of delight but soon it became clear that it was infact pure pain this young filley was feeling.

It was at this point that he realised he hadnt washed hsi hands after chopping the peppers and had somehow got all the spice juices in this ladies private parts.

Needless to say the love making session came to an abrupt end and he has not had any joy of her since although in fairness they are friends now. :finger:

 

[SUFC_Al]

Just thought of another one...

My mate Dickie (AKA The Pilot from past stories) met this bird Speed dating. Must say she was pretty tasty. Somehow he managed to get her back to his for a date. What better way to impress a woman that to cook for her.

My mate decided to cook Fajitas which i thought was a tad ambitious as they can be a bit messy for a first date but each to there own.

Anyway I think she had told him that she really liked spicy food so he put decided to put peppers in there. Like all good chefs he used fresh ingredients. He cut and chopped the peppers amonst other things himself.

The dinner went well and before he knew it he was game on. Wont go into too much detail as it is a family site (So I am told) but basically he ended up being a very lucky boy and feeding the pony.

As he started all was going well. However within seconds he noticed she was starting to wince a bit. First of all he thought it was a wince of delight but soon it became clear that it was infact pure pain this young filley was feeling.

It was at this point that he realised he hadnt washed hsi hands after chopping the peppers and had somehow got all the spice juices in this ladies private parts.

Needless to say the love making session came to an abrupt end and he has not had any joy of her since although in fairness they are friends now. :finger:

holy....it don't bare thinking about :D

 

[C C Csiders]

Just thought of another one...

My mate Dickie (AKA The Pilot from past stories) met this bird Speed dating. Must say she was pretty tasty. Somehow he managed to get her back to his for a date. What better way to impress a woman that to cook for her.

My mate decided to cook Fajitas which i thought was a tad ambitious as they can be a bit messy for a first date but each to there own.

Anyway I think she had told him that she really liked spicy food so he put decided to put peppers in there. Like all good chefs he used fresh ingredients. He cut and chopped the peppers amonst other things himself.

The dinner went well and before he knew it he was game on. Wont go into too much detail as it is a family site (So I am told) but basically he ended up being a very lucky boy and feeding the pony.

As he started all was going well. However within seconds he noticed she was starting to wince a bit. First of all he thought it was a wince of delight but soon it became clear that it was infact pure pain this young filley was feeling.

It was at this point that he realised he hadnt washed hsi hands after chopping the peppers and had somehow got all the spice juices in this ladies private parts.

Needless to say the love making session came to an abrupt end and he has not had any joy of her since although in fairness they are friends now. :finger:

I've done that - but to myself. Nothing worse than Chilli Willy - it stings for hours. At this point I should state I was urinating rather than any unsavoury activity that would have left me a blind man.

 

[SUFC_Al]

I've done that - but to myself. Nothing worse than Chilli Willy - it stings for hours. At this point I should state I was urinating rather than any unsavoury activity that would have left me a blind man.

on a similar theme, you know you get the Deep Heat cream.......put the littlest bit on my thigh about half-way up and somehow it ended up getting on the chap and I was in the bathroom dowsing it in cold hour for HOURS!

Now that stung!

 

[Cricko2]

U could have just dipped it in an Egg cup Mark ;)

 

[SUFC_Al]

U could have just dipped it in an Egg cup Mark ;)

:hilarious: :hilarious:

now why didn't i think of that? :D

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

on a similar theme, you know you get the Deep Heat cream.......put the littlest bit on my thigh about half-way up and somehow it ended up getting on the chap and I was in the bathroom dowsing it in cold hour for HOURS!

Now that stung!

A similar situation has happened to me!
I feel your pain!

 

[SUFC_Al]

A similar situation has happened to me!
I feel your pain!

I'm glad I'm not the only one Richard! :p

*winces at the memory*

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

I'm glad I'm not the only one Richard! :p

*winces at the memory*

It could have been a whole lot worse as the lady in question thought the Deep Heat tube was the KY........... :eek:

 

[SUFC_Al]

It could have been a whole lot worse as the lady in question thought the Deep Heat tube was the KY........... :eek:

noooo......that could have been tragic!

Lucky escape!

 

[Cricko2]

Ha Ha Ha :D

 

[C C Csiders]

It could have been a whole lot worse as the lady in question thought the Deep Heat tube was the KY........... :eek:

Talk about Ring of Fire.

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Talk about Ring of Fire.

I think I would have been doing the conga around the bedroom and going "de de da da da der der der" if that had happened!

 

[SUFC_Al]

I think I would have been doing the conga around the bedroom and going "de de da da da der der der" if that had happened!

:hilarious: :hilarious: :hilarious:

oh to be a fly on the wall for that!

 

[canveyshrimper]

on a similar theme, you know you get the Deep Heat cream.......put the littlest bit on my thigh about half-way up and somehow it ended up getting on the chap and I was in the bathroom dowsing it in cold hour for HOURS!

Now that stung!

That just reminded me, some years ago I was secretary of a Sunday club, I also helped out with one of the teams as gopher. One Sunday one of the lads pulled up with a strain in what is delicately phrased the groin area. He asked me for some Ralgex spray which I happily applied liberally. Unfortunately I did not check the position of the nozzle and the spray was inadvertently & liberally applied to his goolies. The reaction from the poor lad was startling as he started to race around the pitch like Linford Christie on acid, uttering various imprecations about my parentage and my soon to be tenuous grip on life.

 

[SUFC_Al]

That just reminded me, some years ago I was secretary of a Sunday club, I also helped out with one of the teams as gopher. One Sunday one of the lads pulled up with a strain in what is delicately phrased the groin area. He asked me for some Ralgex spray which I happily applied liberally. Unfortunately I did not check the position of the nozzle and the spray was inadvertently & liberally applied to his goolies. The reaction from the poor lad was startling as he started to race around the pitch like Linford Christie on acid, uttering various imprecations about my parentage and my soon to be tenuous grip on life.

:hilarious: :hilarious: I bet he wasn't best plesaed with you after that!

 

[RobM]

This happened at work. One of the technicians was walking with a service engineer along a corridor when a female member of staff passed them. Moments later the engineer said "A bit stuck-up but I'd give her one"
The technician replied "That's my wife!"