Sheep Jokes

[The Eternal Optimist]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:49)]I don't remember us ever being far off the top of the Conference (finished 2nd in 91 and top in 92, ahead of Wycombe who were about 25 points clear of third place...)

But unlike some of our neighbours, we don't need to dwell on the past!

Be off with you, you are getting annoying. If you have so much spare time to loiter on other teams websites you need a hobby or to take up charity work. Doesn't your crop need harvesting?

 

[tr0ublegum]

This is what happened last time, when you run out of arguments you start whining "bugger off to your own board!"

Come up with sensible arguments and I won't be annoying. You've got a month of this left.

 

[The Eternal Optimist]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:53)]

Quote[/b] ]You lot are bloody mingers!

At the risk of letting this argument reach a rather puerile level (as if it hasn't already of course), I haven't lived in Colchester since the age of 11 but have descended upon the nightspots of both towns on occasion. Based on those experiences I am certain that the standard of totty in Colchester is infinitely higher and suggestive of a much wider gene pool. Granted, due to the constraints of what we might laughingly call "fashion" in Southend, Tracey/Sharon/Carly etc do all tend to look rather similar.

The totty in Colchester come from all over the country as Colchester is a university town. Friends who have taught in North Essex schools have said the girls look a bit dirty (and not in the sexual sense). At least Sharon and Tracy have a good scrub up before they load up the bling, put on the Gucci/Von Dutch and smother themselves in war paint.

You obviously wish to marry a farmers girl, good on you!. Leave Carly to someone else to get hold of at the weekend.

 

[sufc_stu]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:59)]This is what happened last time, when you run out of arguments you start whining "bugger off to your own board!"

Come up with sensible arguments and I won't be annoying. You've got a month of this left.

You soon f**ked off when we beat you in the LDV area final! Memory of a fish and face of a cows arse! Go crunch on your carrots!

 

[Shrimp in a Kilt]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:53)]

Quote[/b] ]You lot are bloody mingers!

At the risk of letting this argument reach a rather puerile level (as if it hasn't already of course), I haven't lived in Colchester since the age of 11 but have descended upon the nightspots of both towns on occasion. Based on those experiences I am certain that the standard of totty in Colchester is infinitely higher and suggestive of a much wider gene pool. Granted, due to the constraints of what we might laughingly call "fashion" in Southend, Tracey/Sharon/Carly etc do all tend to look rather similar.

I had the pleasure of being posted to Colchester when I was in the army.. So much for join the army see the world.

There were a number of pretty girls in Colchester but a) mostly they were squaddies daughters, not local, and b) after about 6 o'clock at night all the pretty ones got locked up by their dads to keep them out of the way of the randy squaddies, and the local yokels stood very little chance of scoring.

 

[Shrimp in a Kilt]

Quote[/b] (sufc_stu @ Sep. 01 2004,15:24)]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:59)]This is what happened last time, when you run out of arguments you start whining "bugger off to your own board!"

Come up with sensible arguments and I won't be annoying. You've got a month of this left.

You soon f**ked off when we beat you in the LDV area final! Memory of a fish and face of a cows arse! Go crunch on your carrots!

Actually Tr0ublegum didn't - he stayed on the board and continued to debate in a civilised fashion. Can we be a bit more discriminating about this? There is a difference between a genuine fan wanting to debate/discuss, and the spotty yoofs who come on here to wind everyone up. I notice that The General gets a fair hearing on their board...

 

[overseas shrimper]

TrOublegum has the decency to:

a) Register on this board

b) Take banter on the chin

and

c) Talk a reasoned argument / debate

(proof, surely, that his claim of having not lived in Colchester for years is true)

Like a certain bOrient supporter who ventures on to this board from time to time, I welcome TrOublegum and his views... even if we don't agree with him most, or any, of the time.














(He also knows a humouress post when he sees one, which is more than can be said for Technician... bless)

 

[sufc_stu]

Quote[/b] (Shrimp in a Kilt @ Sep. 01 2004,16:18)]

Quote[/b] (sufc_stu @ Sep. 01 2004,15:24)]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:59)]This is what happened last time, when you run out of arguments you start whining "bugger off to your own board!"

Come up with sensible arguments and I won't be annoying. You've got a month of this left.

You soon f**ked off when we beat you in the LDV area final! Memory of a fish and face of a cows arse! Go crunch on your carrots!

Actually Tr0ublegum didn't - he stayed on the board and continued to debate  in a civilised fashion. Can we be a bit more discriminating about this?  There is a difference between a genuine fan wanting to debate/discuss, and the spotty yoofs who come on here to wind everyone up. I notice that The General gets a fair hearing on their board...

 

I stand corrected! But he still supports the scum!

 

[Shrimp in a Kilt]

Quote[/b] (sufc_stu @ Sep. 01 2004,16:36)]I stand corrected! But he still supports the scum!

I know, but nobody's perfect! Maybe if we speak nicely to him, he might see the light....

 

[overseas shrimper]

Yes, I think we should all pull together to try and rescue TrOublegum from the dark abyss that is Col Ewe. This can be our good deed. Saving his soul may have a good karma effect on Shrimpers.

 

[Shrimp in a Kilt]

Quote[/b] (overseas shrimper @ Sep. 01 2004,16:33)](He also knows a humouress post when he sees one, which is more than can be said for Technician... bless)

Is that a female comic OS? Or did you mean Humourous?

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:49)]I don't remember us ever being far off the top of the Conference (finished 2nd in 91 and top in 92, ahead of Wycombe who were about 25 points clear of third place...)

My apologies, you were only 70 places below us in the league pyramid then, not 80.  Silly me.

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:49)]But unlike some of our neighbours, we don't need to dwell on the past!

I'm not dwelling on the past.  Instead, it is you who appears conveniently to have forgotten our club's respective histories, in order to substantiate an otherwise flimsy belief that our club's respective league positions are anything but a blip, a temporary abberation.

Southend United is of the size, and has the support, to suggest that we will be above the Ewes in the league pyramid once again in a few years' time - as we have been for almost the entire time of our clubs' respective existences.

It is you, dear boy, who is allowing your better judgement to be fogged by the notion that your current higher league placing is, somehow, the norm... when in fact, it's anything but.

Toodlepip!

 

[Colchester Loving Southend Fan]

I'd just like to point out that the apparent 'size' or 'support' of a club has little relevance when they are 40 places below another one in the wonderful ladder that is the football league. We live in the present not the past.

Also taking into account your current playing squad and backroom staff in contrast to our current roster it will certainly be some time before you ever top us again in the league pyramid, if ever (Hopefully!).

After all with players like Fagan, Halford, White, Izzet and the now departed Andrews being watched by top level sides it shows the ability in the squad.

Where as you have errrmmm, that one in midfield who's quite good sometimes. Gower or somin, not much else really that I remember. You sold that striker didn't you.

Mind you if we are being really picky we could go back to the 70's and 80's and bring up a 1-0 win or something, but that would be petty wouldn't it.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Sep. 01 2004,17:41)]Mind you if we are being really picky we could go back to the 70's and 80's and bring up a 1-0 win or something, but that would be petty wouldn't it.

Or we could look at the last time our clubs met in a competitive fixture... when was that, again?

Listen, small fry. We're a bigger club than you. And the bigger clubs always rise to the top, eventually... with the smaller ones settling back down to the bottom. Plymouth were in a division below you three years ago, for example.

Honestly, it's really impressive to see you punching well above your weight, it truly is. But it can't last for ever. Something will go wrong sooner or later. Parky will leave you for a bigger club, you'll get a duff replacement in... and then you'll have no reserves of cash ('cos you've got no reserves of fans) to fall back on to cling on to your League 1 place.

Like I said, it's simply a matter of time before we're above you again in the football league pyramid. We have been for 90% of our existence, and we will be again soon.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings for you, but that's just the way it is.

Cheerio!

 

[overseas shrimper]

Quote[/b] (Shrimp in a Kilt @ Sep. 01 2004,17:51)]

Quote[/b] (overseas shrimper @ Sep. 01 2004,16:33)](He also knows a humouress post when he sees one, which is more than can be said for Technician... bless)

Is that a female comic OS? Or did you mean Humourous?

Oh my God!

 

[Colchester Loving Southend Fan]

Well lets also review your vast fanbase, c'mon your only pulling in 4-600 more than us at the moment tops.

It's the same with both clubs when a big team comes to town we will sell out, the support for both sides could potentially be a lot higher.

Cuckoo farm will bring in more fans, it's just a case of sitting and waiting.

Oh f*ck.

Oh just seen the 'Small fry' comment, your small fry as soon as I cook you shrimp boy. Pun intended.

 

[overseas shrimper]

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Sep. 01 2004,20:25)]... your only pulling in 4-600 more than us at the moment tops.

Is that all? Oh no... the shame of it!

I happen to think that's pretty impressive when you consider that we're currently occupying each other's proper divisions.

So what would that be in percentage terms? About 100% better crowds?

Thanks for proving our point.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Sep. 01 2004,19:25)]Well lets also review your vast fanbase, c'mon your only pulling in 4-600 more than us at the moment tops.

Well, the fairest and most accurate way in which to compare attendances would be to look at the average from the whole of last season - a season, I note, in which you purported to be making a promotion challenge for a while; and a season in which we spent almost exclusively in the bottom third of our division.

==================
Average gates 2003-04
==================

Colchester - 3,536
Southend - 4,535

So, that's us one shy of an average attendance of 1,000 greater than yours; and that's only in the league.  In all competitions, our average attendance lifted to 4,750.

It's also worth noting that you're not only in a division higher, so should expect to pull in more of your own fan-base, but you're also in a more "southern" league - 12 teams from the South in your division, as opposed to 10 teams from the South in ours.

Add to that the fact that you played host to the likes of Sheffield Wednesday and QPR, whilst we get to entertain Macclesfield and Boston Utd, and the fact that you pull in 1,000 fewer fans than we do every week begins to look truly risible.

Even this season, whilst you find yourselves with the best home record in your division, and in the top 3 of your league, you still have a p*sspoor average home attendance of 3,634... whilst we, despite our disastrous start to the campaign, have an average gate of 4,342.

So, even this season, our gates are on average 708 greater than yours... a tally which (for us) includes the travelling hordes of Macclesfield (all 112 of them), whilst you've played Peterborough - practically a local derby - and Doncaster, who always bring at least 600 with them.

4-600 tops?  You're having a laugh, mate.  Like everything else you've said so far, that's pure, unadulterated bullsh*t.  We may not be a "vast" club, but we're a fcuk of a sight bigger than your joke of a club.

We are pulling in, the figures would suggest, roughly 1,200 more home fans on a weekly basis than you are... and we're in the division below.  In your division, we'd probably be getting home gates in the region of 50-75% greater than yours.

It's why you should enjoy life as a Col Ewe fan right now.  This really is as good as it'll ever get for you.  Because if you can't bring in the revenue from putting bums on seats, you won't be able to afford the sort of wages and entice the sort of players who want to play to your "packed" houses of 3,000, that will take you into the top 2 divisions in this country.

How do we know that?  'Cos we've been there, and you haven't.

Baa-Baa-Barside
Have you any crowd?
No sir, No sir,
Our three fans do us proud.

Matt

P.S.

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Sep. 01 2004,19:25)]Oh just seen the 'Small fry' comment, your small fry as soon as I cook you shrimp boy. Pun intended.

Talk to the hand, small-fry, the face ain't listenin'

 

[South Bank Hank]

Mental note to self: Never argue with MtS (unless you have a lot of time and facts on your hands!).

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (South Bank Hank @ Sep. 02 2004,11:31)]Mental note to self: Never argue with MtS (unless you have a lot of time and facts on your hands!).

You see, that's what I do for my...

Oh sh*t, I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing today.

Hasta luego, muchachos...

Matt