Sheep Jokes

[Gremlin]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Aug. 30 2004,18:58)]where are we in the table?? 2nd
where are you in YOUR league?  20 th

first win of the season well done!!  

And only 40 games to go!

Reminds me, when do the kids go back to school, anyone know?

 

[Technician]

Quote[/b] (Gremlin @ Aug. 31 2004,13:47)]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Aug. 30 2004,18:58)]where are we in the table?? 2nd
where are you in YOUR league?  20 th

first win of the season well done!!  

And only 40 games to go!

Reminds me, when do the kids go back to school, anyone know?

anytime soon, we hope!

As for his quote... It will be like ships passing in the night come May!!!

 

[tr0ublegum]

Quote[/b] ]Blimey OS... take a chill-pill! can't you see a wind-up at twenty paces?

He can................. but you can't!!

It was a good riposte though. I feel appropriately discombobulated.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Aug. 31 2004,15:11)]It was a good riposte though. I feel appropriately discombobulated.

Off now, sir, for your pandigestatory interludicle...

Perhaps I should keep the Blackadder stuff for another thread...

Fair play to the Ewes so far this season, incidentally... you appear to have brushed off the departure of Pinault and White with ease; a sterling effort. If it weren't for Boozer Newell's magnificent start at Luton, Parky might be in with a shout for Manager of the Month.

Incidentally, none of the above sunshine-blowing alters the fact that you're all sheep-shagging in-bred barstewards...

Matt

 

[tr0ublegum]

Unlike many of my cousins I was not in the least disturbed by the departure of dear, sweet, Alan "distribution" White or Thomas "end product" Pinault. The latter claimed he was good enough to play in the first division, which must be why he ended up at Grimsby. Both have been replaced by far superior players and as such I am fully expecting an improvement on last season's disappointing 11th, in fact I would go so far as to suggest we will be "there or thereabouts in May".

We are currently missing our club captain and several other players with injuries, and we're still second. We'll be a half decent team with those players back in contention.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Aug. 31 2004,15:34)]I would go so far as to suggest we will be "there or thereabouts in May".

I shall dig out my black arm-band and my copy of Chopin's Marche funébre from his Piano Sonata Op. 35 in anticipation...

 

[Guest]

A man, a dog and a sheep drift on to a desert island after being involved in a shipwreck.

This island has everything the man wants; fresh water, fruit, etc. But in a couple of week the man starts wanting a shag, so he looks at this dog and thinks to himself "No way". He looks at this sheep and thinks "Ok then." So he walks up to this sheep, takes his pants down, but the dog runs up and starts barking and the sheep runs away.

The next day he's up a tree looking around and sees the sheep but no dog. So man climbs down from the tree, goes up to this sheep, takes his pants down, gets it out. But the dog runs up and starts barking again and the sheep runs away.

So the next day he is up a tree again. Sees another ship wreck and there is this absolutly geogous woman laying on the beach. So he goes out and saves this gorgeus woman and brings her back to his camp.

This woman gets down on her knees and says "oh thank you! To repay you I will do anything you ask of me, anything!"

So the man thinks for a moment and says "Well, you couldn't take this dog for a walk could you? Because I really want to shag this sheep

Yes I know it is the wrong type of sheep joke but it made me laugh

 

[Technician]

Are you working undercover ORM?

 

[Birri]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Aug. 30 2004,10:24)]Build a bonfire Build a bonfire
Put the shrimpers on the top
Put the chairboys in the middle
And we'll burn the f****** lot

who are the chairboys

 

[tr0ublegum]

the chairboys = Wycombe Wanderers, who are similar spoilsports to yourselves in that they went and got themselves relegated.

Highly amusing in both cases but slightly inconvenient in not being able to play our rivals very often (LDV aside).

And no I didn't write that rhyme, I've never heard it sung at a match and I agree it's f**king naff.

 

[BluePartridge]

Quote[/b] (Birri @ Aug. 31 2004,19:35)]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Aug. 30 2004,10:24)]Build a bonfire Build a bonfire
Put the shrimpers on the top
Put the chairboys in the middle
And we'll burn the f****** lot

who are the chairboys

Something to do with Non-League, something we Shrimpers have never really had to bother about and hopefully never will. Bloody unwashed Non League leaves a great big smudge all over clubs SMUDGES OF BLACK! BLACKADDER? Dum dum de dum dum. Is this the real life is this just fantasy, caught in a landslide no escape from reality. DA DADADAADADADADA Bill And Ted meets Wayne's World who would win in a fight? It's another form of Rascism! Anyway we don't need the Non-League the Non-League needs U's. Cocl Ewe has one big rubber bungee Bangor City attached to them strapped to the Unibond Rymans Premier Lague division North and that's the way it is. So when do we arrive at this Desert Island then? eg?

 

[Colchester Loving Southend Fan]

I think it's the same chairboys who are in your league which would of course be the league below ours.

Congrats on beating Macclesfield, wow that sure is something a 2-1 win at home as well. Bet you lot danced your way back to your caravans.

You lot sure are rude when highlighting my Colcestrian friends spelling, they didn't teach us much at school i'm afraid.

Although they did teach us the word ***t.

I bet thats another warning, spolisports.

See you lot soon, can't wait to see some of the sweet bodykits on your Rennies. With a sweet A-track in the front pumping out 'Cotten eye joe'.

Good luck against whoever your playing next, Burton, Weymouth or something. I don't really know what teams play with you lot, it's been a while you see.

 

[The Eternal Optimist]

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Sep. 01 2004,00:49)]Congrats on beating Macclesfield, wow that sure is something a 2-1 win at home as well. Bet you lot danced your way back to your caravans.

I actually drove back to my end of terrace private home (brick built using the London Brick Company's heather bricks) listening to Essex radio's account of the tales of woe for a very unlucky Ewes side who were just beaten by a very lucky Hartlepool. I didn't half laugh when I cranked up the goal commentary from the Ewes defeat. My only regret that Ex-Shrimper Mark Tinkler didn't play and score the goals.

BTW - Even if Col U win the LDV match we will be a very lot less gutted than you were when we beat you in the AREA FINAL!

 

[Guest]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Aug. 31 2004,19:27)]Are you working undercover ORM?  

Nope, I have a new laptop and whatever they have done with this latest XP rollout seems to prevent me from logging into any net site requiring a password. There must be a way around it but my IT friend is on holiday.

 

[Barmy Army]

Quote[/b] (Colchester Loving Southend Fan @ Aug. 31 2004,23:49)]I think it's the same chairboys who are in your league which would of course be the league below ours.

Congrats on beating Macclesfield, wow that sure is something a 2-1 win at home as well. Bet you lot danced your way back to your caravans.

You lot sure are rude when highlighting my Colcestrian friends spelling, they didn't teach us much at school i'm afraid.

Although they did teach us the word ***t.

I bet thats another warning, spolisports.

See you lot soon, can't wait to see some of the sweet bodykits on your Rennies. With a sweet A-track in the front pumping out 'Cotten eye joe'.

Good luck against whoever your playing next, Burton, Weymouth or something. I don't really know what teams play with you lot, it's been a while you see.

Can you please explain you name?

I'm getting awfully confused.

Colchester loving = You love Colchester

Southend fan = You are a fan of Southend

Silly inbred.

 

[tr0ublegum]

What this means is that like all Southend fans his/her ostensible hatred of Colchester United FC paradoxically conceals a deep and profoundly jealous love of the club, the town, its long history and its beautiful people. For reasons of geography and social standing this love must remain unrequited, so this poor individual masquerades as a shrimper, letting his guard down online where no-one can identify him. Fear not Colchester loving Southend fan, hope is at hand. Soon enough the two clubs will be so far apart in the league, the inferority complex common to all shrimpers will cease. You'll be more worried about Canvey Island.

Silly pikey.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:01)]Soon enough the two clubs will be so far apart in the league

That's only ever happened once in the history of our two clubs, and you know it. It was in January 1992:

Southend were in the top 4 of the 2nd Division (old).
Colchester were mid-table in the Conference.

That's about 80 league places, by my reckoning.

Know thy place, farmer-boy...

 

[The Eternal Optimist]

Quote[/b] (tr0ublegum @ Sep. 01 2004,14:01)]What this means is that like all Southend fans his/her ostensible hatred of Colchester United FC paradoxically conceals a deep and profoundly jealous love of the club, the town, its long history and its beautiful people.

You lot are bloody mingers! I think people like you lot shouldn't be allowed to bred. Sorry, I stand corrected, you must be encouraged to bred so we can ridicule your ugliness. Just look what happens when you copulate with your sister.

Go and have a head transplant you frigging minger!. Better still audition for Leather face in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

 

[tr0ublegum]

I don't remember us ever being far off the top of the Conference (finished 2nd in 91 and top in 92, ahead of Wycombe who were about 25 points clear of third place...)

But unlike some of our neighbours, we don't need to dwell on the past!

 

[tr0ublegum]

Quote[/b] ]You lot are bloody mingers!

At the risk of letting this argument reach a rather puerile level (as if it hasn't already of course), I haven't lived in Colchester since the age of 11 but have descended upon the nightspots of both towns on occasion. Based on those experiences I am certain that the standard of totty in Colchester is infinitely higher and suggestive of a much wider gene pool. Granted, due to the constraints of what we might laughingly call "fashion" in Southend, Tracey/Sharon/Carly etc do all tend to look rather similar.