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Classic Comedy Catch Phrases and one liner's

One of my all time favourites is from Peter Sellers in one on the Pink Panther films. It goes something like this:

Clouseau is standing next to a dog.

Guy comes up to Clouseau and asks if his dog bites.

Clouseau replies no.

The guys then strokes a dog standing by Clouseau, which in turn takes chunks out of the guy.

The guy turns to Clouseau and says " I thought you said your dog doesn't bite"

To which clouseau replies " Zat eez not my Dog"



Always, always has me in stiches...

Talking of Pink Panther, did anyone see Honest last night. Has Bert Kwouk (Kato) in and he is as funny as fcuk!!
 
"I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, 'Look at me, I'm a giant witch.'"

"I'd shove one in your ear, one up your nose and one up your bum, but I'd have to break into another one which I'm not prepared to do for you. But then I'd eat the other one... after I'd washed my hands."

"Between you and me I do things with her that I'd never have done with my wife Carol. Occasionally I dost venture south, and when I do it's like a breath of fresh air."

Alan: How much is a Monkey?
Builder: £500.
Alan: Errr, well how much is a mouse?
Builder: There's no such amount. A pony is £150.
Alan: I'll give you £200, that's a Pony and a bag of hooves.


"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."
 

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