Classic Comedy Catch Phrases and one liner's

[Uncle Leo]

Blackadder II

Baldrick walks in with a loads of twigs on his head.

Blackadder - "Baldrick, you look like a dear"
Baldrick - "Thank you my lord, you look a bit of a ducky yourself"

 

[Mr. Benedict]

Chris Morris (Brass Eye)
Homosexuals can't swim, they attract enemy radar, they attract sharks, they nudge people when they're trying to shoot, they always insist on sitting at "The Captain's Table"... they *muck about*. Imagine... the fear... when you go to sleep with a gay man on board and think "Oh God, when I wake up, will everyone be dead?" You can't run a ship like that.

"Welcome to paedogeddon"

Wasn't that the episode that gave first airing to the phrase "as gay as a window"?

 

[MK Shrimper]

Scorchio!

Phhhfftthhhthhh fthhhhh thhhh Chris Waddle

This week I have been mostly eating.....

Me, the 14th Duke of Wimbourne, here, alone, in a girls school?

I'm afraid I was very drunk at the time....

Oooh, I've just come....

Brilliant!

Ted, do you like Tina Turner?

 

[Uncle Leo]

Dad's Army

German officer to Private Pike - "What is your name soldier?"
Captain Mainwaring - "Don't tell him Pike"

 

[MK Shrimper]

Dad's Army

German officer to Private Pike - "What is your name soldier?"
Captain Mainwaring - "Don't tell him Pike"

Stupid boy.

 

[Pubey]

Wasn't that the episode that gave first airing to the phrase "as gay as a window"?

certainly was! i think every episode of something Chris Morris does has about 20000 quotable lines!

Alan Partridge - The Day Today
"Tw*t... that was liquid football!!"

"Sh*t... he's got a leg like a traction engine!!"

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

What a F***ing Liability

 

[Pubey]

This week I have been mostly...

...dangling my nob in blancmange!

 

[MK Shrimper]

...dangling my nob in blancmange!

Too much information!

Don't look at me.... I'm irrelevant...!

 

[SUFC_Al]

Arnold Rimmer: What's the smell?
Lister: What smell, i can't smell any smell.
Rimmer: Camphor wood. (walks away solemly) Your guitar was made of camphor wood? Burn the soliders, burn them right now!

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Scorchio!

Phhhfftthhhthhh fthhhhh thhhh Chris Waddle

This week I have been mostly eating.....

Me, the 14th Duke of Wimbourne, here, alone, in a girls school?

I'm afraid I was very drunk at the time....

Oooh, I've just come....

Brilliant!

Ted, do you like Tina Turner?

Also from The Fast Show how about: -

Suit You

SHIIIIRRRRRLLLLLLEEEEEYYYY & HEEEYYYYYYYYYY

Which was nice!

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Scorchio!

Phhhfftthhhthhh fthhhhh thhhh Chris Waddle

This week I have been mostly eating.....

Me, the 14th Duke of Wimbourne, here, alone, in a girls school?

I'm afraid I was very drunk at the time....

Oooh, I've just come....

Brilliant!

Ted, do you like Tina Turner?

And

ayeeeeee BUGGER (in a Barnsley accent)

 

[MK Shrimper]

From CYE....

Pretty Good....Pretty Pretty Goooood...

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

...dangling my nob in blancmange!

Eating Pop tarts

 

[Mr. Benedict]

Arnold Rimmer: What's the smell?
Lister: What smell, i can't smell any smell.
Rimmer: Camphor wood. (walks away solemly) Your guitar was made of camphor wood? Burn the soliders, burn them right now!

Dwayne Dibbley? I don't want to be Dwayne Dibbley!!!

 

[Cricko]

Trigger when hearing Mrs Trotter is pregnant

If it's a boy they are naming him Rodney after Dave.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Bag of sh1te.

Garlic BREAD?

 

[Uncle Leo]

What HAVE the Romans ever done for us?

It's only WAFER thin.....

And from The Mighty Boosh - uttered by Tony Harrison - "It's an OUTRAGE!"

Thumbs up for a Boosh reference. Especially one from Tony 'arrison.

My favourite from season three was from Vince:

"No, there's nothing here. I'm empty, like a beach ball"

 

[SUFC_Al]

Monty Python:

Chris: Graham Chapman
A Elk: John Cleese

Chris: Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here, sitting in the studio next to me, an elk.
Anne: Ahhhh!!!
Chris: Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs Anne Elk
Anne: Miss!
C: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di...
A: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk!
C: What?
A: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert!
C: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were an , A-N not
A-N-N-E, expert...
A: Oh!
C: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ...
A: Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word yes.
C: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
A: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory
about the brontosaurus?
C: Uh... Exactly... What is it?
A: Where?
C: No! No, what is your theory?
A: What is my theory?
C: Yes!
A: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is my theory.
C: I am asking.
A: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this
theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say, which is
mine,... is mine.
C: I know it's yours! What is it?
A: ... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory?
C: Yes!
A: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to
relate. [starts prolonged throat clearing]
C: [under breath] Oh, God!
[Anne still clearing throat]
A: The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a elk.)
C: Right...
A: [clears throat] This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows...
[more throat clearing]
This is how it goes...
[clears throat]
The next thing that I am about to say is my theory.
[clears throat]
Ready?
C: [wimpers]
A: The Theory, by A. Elk [Miss]. My theory is along the following lines...
C: [under breath]God!
A: ...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much, much thicker in the
middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I
have and which is mine and what it is, too.
C: That's it, is it?
A: Right, Chris!
C: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail right on the
head.
A: ... and it's mine.
C: Thank you for coming along to the studio.
A: My pleasure, Chris.
C: Britain's newest wasp farm...
A: It's been a lot of fun...
C: ...opened last week...
A: ...saying what my theory is...
C: ... Yes, thank you.
A: ...and whose it is.
C: Yes.... opened last week...
A: I have another theory.
C: Not today, thank you.
A: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have. [clears throat].
This theory...
C: Look! Shut up!
A: ...is what I am about to say.
C: Please shut up!
A: which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and
which belong to me.
C: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you!
A: [clears throat] My xxx theory, which I posses the ownership of, which
belongs to...

[Sound of a single gun shot]

A: [clearing throat] The Theory the Second, by Anne...

[Sound of prolonged machine gun fire]

 

[Pubey]

Thumbs up for a Boosh reference. Especially one from Tony 'arrison.

My favourite from season three was from Vince:

"No, there's nothing here. I'm empty, like a beach ball"

Howard: Why would she ring for me, she thinks I'm an idiot.

Vince Noir: Come on Howard, there's plenty of reasons she might not ring for you... I mean, maybe she's trapped... in a cabinet?