Is Marriage Important?

[united we stand]

Bazza

we don't know each other so I have to make assumptions based on this post alone.
Let me start by saying that I am married and am therefore probably bias whether I realise it or not.

On that basis you give the impression that you are are not ready for marriage. If you were you would have tried to work through a compromise. 'it has never really appealed '. is really not that strong an position compared to your girlfriend who by the sounds of it really really wants this to happen.

Sounds like this is something where you need to have an open conversation where you explain exactly how you feel, and how the pressure is affecting you.

good luck in whatever you choose to do

 

[leeblue]

if you dont want to dont.........I myself am married and this after being in the anti marriage crew for a long time.....but then you meet the one, no messing mate I had to marry her it is a huge thing to me, I am not a religious man but I do have faith.....in my marriage it is a source of pride, happiness and stability, cant stress enough though that you should not do it if you dont want to, will only lead to trouble

 

[Dick Bate's Protege]

Take a tip, only get married if your lady's prepared to always tell you what you wanna hear. Nothing worse than a chick with ideas. Follow this simple course and you need never walk round Lakeside on a saturday afternoon instead of watching the Blues.

 

[southend4ever]

As long as it does not lead to a joint bank account.

 

[leeblue]

Take a tip, only get married if your lady's prepared to always tell you what you wanna hear. Nothing worse than a chick with ideas. Follow this simple course and you need never walk round Lakeside on a saturday afternoon instead of watching the Blues.

some good points here, I made it perfectly clear from our first date that I am a blues fanatic and will always be and that I love playing sundays too, no changing, shifting or denying it, I missed the gillingham game the other week as our daughter had just been born this is the first home league match I have missed for many years (10) priorities my son priorities

 

[* ORM *]

Take a tip, only get married if your lady's prepared to always tell you what you wanna hear. Nothing worse than a chick with ideas. Follow this simple course and you need never walk round Lakeside on a saturday afternoon instead of watching the Blues.

Ha ha. The ground rules were clearly laid out well before we took the plunge.

1) SUFC
2) Me playing football
3) Mrs ORM
4) Cooking my dinner
5) Ironing my shirts
6) Dropping anchor in the heavenly harbour

3+4 were a tough call to get in the right order :p

Everyone's is unique but my experiences and thoughts are as follows. For me it was never a religious thing. Marriage to me is a commitment that you both need to work at. We've had our ups and downs over 17 years but keep emerging stronger from every down. We're also used to spending time apart, sometimes weeks at a time and not being under each other's feet 365 days a year has been fantastic and strengthens us when we're together. In the early days this was due to her father being seriously ill for a long time and being far away. More recently she's gone away with the kids on holibubs when I haven't been able to get the time off (in addition to my annual family holibubs). That means that my current two month work stint in Asia was a no brainer.

With apologies to a few on here because every case is personal my take on marriage is as follows (again forget the religious side, for me anyway). It is supposed to show that you are ready for a lifelong commitment. If you haven't finished waving your banana around then you're not ready for marriage. If after a rough night you wake up in the morning look over and think **** if that's the state of you now what's it going to be like in 10 years time with two kids, wrinkles, a few or plenty of extra pounds then you're definitely not ready for marriage. If you have any doubts then you are not ready for marriage. If you are doing it because you think you need to tick a box then you are not ready for marriage.

Massive generalisation here but it is far too easy for people to get married and even easier for them to get divorced not helped by the media, reality TV and soaps.

Being married, raising a family and being responsible for that (I'm of the old fashioned variety that insisted on me being the breadwinner and my wife raising the children) is sometimes hard, sometimes frustrating but mostly the most fantastic thing in the world. We've had times over 17 years where I'm sure others would have taken the easy route out and said bollocks to that I've had enough. We're just about to go through another one as I have the opportunity, probably next summer, possibly as soon as January to come out here on a much more permanent basis. Lifestyle, climate, 15% tax, the chance to get out of a country that I love dearly but can't bear seeing being ripped apart by middle of the road political correctness and lack of direction and a package that should, if we continue to be fortunate, ensure we are comfortable for life. These are no brainers in my eyes but Mrs ORM is having serious misgivings and barely entertaining the idea. That's going to be a serious test of character. The marriage will win as it always has done but it needs to be in Asia.

 

[jassyfa1]

Been there done that, got the divorce paper and all the hassle that went with it. However the marriage was doomed to fail before it even happened. Today I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for the past two and would marry her tomorrow if it wasn't for the CSA. They would just include her wages into the payment so living in sin is what we have to do.
As for not being religious, who says you have to get married in church, you could get married at Roots Hall before kickoff, watch the game then down for Spread for your reception. You could even save some money by using the stills from the security cameras at Roots Hall instead of paying for a photographer

 

[OldBlueLady]

Have waited a while before replying to this. Marrying into a strongly Catholic background in a Latino country is rather different to getting hitched in the UK, it is as others have said, traditional and an expectation regardless of how "modern" the outlook of the individual concerned. So the first thing to do is work out how important this all is to your fiancee, this goes hand in hand with her views on future offspring and the perceptions surrounding potentially "out of wedlock" children.

If she is really not bothered about it all, then go for something simple - there must still be an option for a more informal day, although I honeslty believe that the vast majority of women do want their big day, proper bridal gown and all. There is surely a compromise of some kind.

As to the question of whether it's important at all? Well, in the grand scheme of things that's down to individual beliefs, as a Christian, I married with a full commitment to my vows in a traditional service at St Mary the Virgin in Shoebury. Those vows have cost me immeasurably as time has passed and I wonder if I had not married in church whether I would have continued to make the effort I did.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Hotman]

Been there done that, got the divorce paper and all the hassle that went with it. However the marriage was doomed to fail before it even happened. Today I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for the past two and would marry her tomorrow if it wasn't for the CSA. They would just include her wages into the payment so living in sin is what we have to do.
As for not being religious, who says you have to get married in church, you could get married at Roots Hall before kickoff, watch the game then down for Spread for your reception. You could even save some money by using the stills from the security cameras at Roots Hall instead of paying for a photographer

Don't think the CSA thing is true, check with the Citizens Advice.

 

[Hotman]

Over the past year or so my lovely lady has been pecking my head about doing the right thing (in her eyes anyway) and getting hitched.

Now to me it's not really that important and I dont think you have to sign a bloody bit of paper and wear a ring on your finger to prove your love its just bollocks and I am not a catholic anyway. Unfortunately her and her famly being very latin etc its now getting to the stage chaps that she is seriousley giving me grief witheven her overbearing father getting involved in the matter telling her I am not a serious man for her and to find someone else which really ****ed me off as you can imagine. The thing is it has never really appealed to me and I do not like being pushed into something like this its just wrong and offputting even though i love the girl to death and she is a bit of a sort if I dont say so myself.

Anyone feel the same or are you all happily married with 2-4 kids in a 3 bedroom?.

Deep down you will know if you want to do it. If you do it, let her have her own way as its her day.

 

[ibwiajwa]

If after a rough night you wake up in the morning look over and think **** if that's the state of you now what's it going to be like in 10 years time with two kids, wrinkles, a few or plenty of extra pounds then you're definitely not ready for marriage. If you have any doubts then you are not ready for marriage.

I have problems with this on two levels. Firstly, I'm not sure that anybody marries without any doubts. I had doubts before I got married but twenty years later we are still happy together. It hasn't always been easy but I've yet to meet anyone for whom it has been. The first kind of person that you describe shouldn't be allowed to get married IMO - his opinion of women and sex is unworthy of anyone's commitment.

Have waited a while before replying to this. Marrying into a strongly Catholic background in a Latino country is rather different to getting hitched in the UK, it is as others have said, traditional and an expectation regardless of how "modern" the outlook of the individual concerned. So the first thing to do is work out how important this all is to your fiancee, this goes hand in hand with her views on future offspring and the perceptions surrounding potentially "out of wedlock" children.

If she is really not bothered about it all, then go for something simple - there must still be an option for a more informal day, although I honeslty believe that the vast majority of women do want their big day, proper bridal gown and all. There is surely a compromise of some kind.

As to the question of whether it's important at all? Well, in the grand scheme of things that's down to individual beliefs, as a Christian, I married with a full commitment to my vows in a traditional service at St Mary the Virgin in Shoebury. Those vows have cost me immeasurably as time has passed and I wonder if I had not married in church whether I would have continued to make the effort I did.

Good luck with your decision.

I share your beliefs and echo your advice.