Football "Autobiographies"

[Groyne Strain]

Amidst all the hype of the World Cup and the rest of the summer dedicated to high-profile transfers, we had the inevitable ghost-written autobiogs from England 'stars' that "want to set the record straight."

With this in mind, publishers that gave these vain, greedy and stupid footballers huge advances must have been delighted with these current sales: -

Rio Ferdinand 7,651; Ashley Cole 3,128.

Which is about 700 less than the number that turned up at the Hall last week. Surely proof that the public aren't the gullible fools some people in the media seem to believe? It also seems to prove that there are vain, greedy and stupid publishers as well who have, rightly and happily, had their fingers well and truly burnt.

Keep on not buying, punters. You know it makes sense.

 

[steveo1]

I think its reasonable for a player to write a book after he retires, and I have read some good uns. Cascarino's was good, as was Tony Adams. Any other recomendations?

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Yeah but hasn't Stevie G sold over 50,000 copies of his?

 

[Slipperduke]

Brian Clough's autobiography (the first one) is magnificent. Written in a time before PR executives got their grubby mitts on the manuscript, it's everything that Clough was: rude; brash; emotional and compelling.

Ron Atkinson's autobiography is quite similar in style, but much lighter. Well worth it for the early glimpses of his controversial views and the general feeling that you're sat in front of the fire with Ron, drinking port.

Stanley Matthew's book is wonderful, written at the perfect time for an autobiography - just before he snuffed it.

Avoid Kenny Dalglish's borefest, Nobby Stiles and Geoff Hurst.

Also worth having a look at Lee Sharpe's book which isn't really about football, but very entertaining none the less.

 

[Napster]

Just reading Jimmy Greaves' which is quite good. Still got to read Eddie Firmani's one which is still on my bookshelf.

Billy Wright's triptych is pretty good as well, and well non-PC. For example, can you imagine David Beckham writing about "sambos"

Have read bits of Karren Brady's auto as well, and that's OK, she has a right go at Uncle Vic and at one point, before they go into court, he asks her if she has her knickers on today!

 

[C C Csiders]

Stan's is good, of course. As above, I agree that the Tony Adams book was very good. Have an ancient autobiography written by Sir Matt Busby - the name escapes me, but that is also good reading.

Then, there is the Phil Parkinson diary of a season at Layer Road "Far from the Madding Crowd" which promises to be a good read.

 

[N'Zamba Legend]

'Petter Late Than Never'- a joint effort by two footballing pals with a Southend United connection, namely Carl Pettefer and Petter Belsvik. The best chapter is where Petter describes his header against Sheff United using stream-of-consciousness poetry.

 

[Usual_Suspect]

Personally thought Tony Adam's was poor, the guy loves himself far to much.

Roy Keane's was very good, Robbie Fowler's quite entertaining, Ryan Giggs' is worse then Beckham and Owen's put together.

Also, Bobby Robson's was a very good read. The main problem with most of these books is that people are too worreid about upsetting other (as in Owen's and Gigg's), whereas Keane was very open, as was Fowler to a point.

 

[Napster]

Oh and I read Hoddle's world cup diary which was rubbish.

 

[Desert Shrimper]

Best:

Tony Cascarino, Harry Rednapp, Alan Hansen, Stan Collymore, Razor Ruddock, Paulo DiCanio.

All of the above were honestly written and all the footballers concerned were retired or more or less retired and didn't have to worry about kissing arse like the current players do. Check out Stan's opinion of Gareth Southgate for example...or fellow pro Steve Harness ("mealy mouthed c%&t")....

Why anyone with a mental age of 12 would want to read a 21-25 year old's "life story" is beyond me.....

Worst:

Steve McManaman - I thought he was a **** beforehand and I'm happy to say it's now been confirmed in print.

Ian Wright - Ghost written to within an inch of it's life. Doubt he even looked in the direction of this book. Absolute drivel.

David Seaman - Drifted off after a couple of chapters. Literary equivalent of getting really really stoned but without the trip to the all night garage for revels.

 

[Desert Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (C C Csiders @ Oct. 30 2006,10:34)]Stan's is good, of course. As above, I agree that the Tony Adams book was very good.

Don't you think Adams was a tad irritating? Anything he did that was bad = "the old Tony Adams" <boooooooooooooo!> anything he did that was great = "the new shiny perfect 10 Tony Adams" <Hurrrrrraaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!> For me, it read like he'd had too much therapy and decided that it was safer just to disappear up his own arse rather than face the fact that he was a diverse characted capable of good and bad and a mere mortal like the rest of us.

 

[Winkle]

The best I have read are,

Blessed:  George Best
Tony Cascarino ( very honest)
Jimmy Greaves  ( very good)

worst
psycho: Stuart Pearce ( boring)
Tony Adams   yawwwwwwnnnn!
Not footie , Graham gooch,took me about 3 monthes to read it as I was slipping in and out of a coma all the time!

Pauk Mcgrath new autobiograthy supposed to be a good read, going to give it a go!

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Winkle @ Oct. 30 2006,11:06)]worst
psycho: Stuart Pearce ( boring)

Forgot that one - I lost count of the number of times he said the word "cute"!

I agree, very dull, and if it was ghostwritten, sack the ghostwriter!

 

[Slipperduke]

The Imperial Lord Ferg's is very good as well. Cold and ruthless, especially the bits on Brian Kidd.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

I've read the majority of those suggested so far. I agree with pretty much everyone on their assessments - Clough's and Collymore's are both excellent reads. Adams' is a self-pitying w%&kfest. Bobby Robson's is entertaining, but you sense he's really held back on it.

But the best two I've read - by a country mile - are ex-Charlton player Garry Nelson's books. Start with Left Foot Forward, and then go on to Left Foot in the Grave?. No sensationalism, no 'amazing story' or 'lurid revelations'. Just intelligent, witty stuff, detailing the life of a professional footballer that you can relate to. Superb stuff.

 

[chadded]

Quote[/b] (Slipperduke @ Oct. 30 2006,09:18)]Geoff Hurst.

I didn't think it was that bad.

P.S. The copy I read was my brother's which is signed. When I told him I'd borrowed it, he told me to take care of it, as he was waiting for him to snuff it, so he could stick it on ebay!

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Jonny_Stokes @ Oct. 30 2006,11:16)]But the best two I've read - by a country mile - are ex-Charlton player Garry Nelson's books. Start with Left Foot Forward, and then go on to Left Foot in the Grave?. No sensationalism, no 'amazing story' or 'lurid revelations'. Just intelligent, witty stuff, detailing the life of a professional footballer that you can relate to. Superb stuff.

an Old Southendian, no less

 

[Napster]

Another one I've remembered - Steak and Diana Ross by David Mcvay - cracking read as well

Book Review: Steak Diana Ross…Diary of a Football Nobody by David McVay
Chris Sherrard
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17/03/2004 11:00:00.
read: 780 times.

"Steak Diana Ross is one which fills the void and warms the heart. It is an articulate, amusing and pleasing book"

Book Review: Steak Diana Ross…Diary of a Football Nobody by David McVay

Footballers write books with alarming frequency these days. They tell ‘their side’ or of ‘their life so far’ in an attempt to bolster their already bulging bank accounts and egos. But football is supposed to be a game of the people. It is supposed to be about more than Adidas endorsements and living secluded lives far from the real world. In my search for honesty, I have studied the words of many star names. But it is often the less well-known men who provide you with answers.

And so it was that someone by the name of David McVay pulled on the black-and-white stripes of Notts County and lined up against opponents ranging from Manchester United to Kettering Town over the course of a non-spectacular 1974-75 Division Two season. That he kept a diary of his and the team’s challenges and tribulations is something for which we should be eternally grateful.

In ‘Steak Diana Ross… Diary of a Football Nobody’, McVay transports us back to a bygone age in football when players, supporters and the local ladies all came together under the roof of one or ten pubs and toasted to derby day draws and victories on the road. An age when professionals would sink ten pints and then drop their mates home in their Cortina. A time when players hopped on the bus to get to training. An era of genitalia swathed in deep-heat, egg-delivery jobs supplementing a footballer’s wages and Norman Hunter buying the drinks in the Elland Road players lounge.

You may not be aware of David McVay’s footballing career. He doesn’t expect you to. Sometimes a defender, sometimes a midfielder, he played where he was needed under the management of wily Scot, Jimmy Sirrel, in a half-decent County side of the mid-70s. He was a teenager then, although he looked older with long-hair and, to the disapproval of his manager, a full grown beard.

His incredibly insightful book recounts the place he held within that squad. From the praise of the local press for a mature performance against Forest in the Trent derby to knocking the mighty Revie-inspired Leeds side out of the Cup in Yorkshire. The journey takes you through cold nights in far-off Halifax and late nights in closer-to-home watering holes. You are laughing all the way. This is not merely an insight into what happens in the world of professional football; it is a tale of growing up. It is a tale of life as a young man, striving for fulfillment and a sense of belonging. It is an honest assessment of the many characters who McVay lived, trained and socialised alongside. It is also a youthful quest for lengthy nights with a pint in your hand and (hopefully) female company at the end.

McVay perfectly captures the spirit of being a player at this time. He draws you into their world, their mind. He takes you with him as he travels the country, from Sunderland to Exeter, in the name of the club. We can feel that we are really there when he is shying away from asking Denis Law for his autograph at the PFA Awards. We are witnesses to the day when Manchester United fans bore down on the home dressing room at the County Ground only for manager Sirrel to fend off the hoards with a hastily snatched bunion scalpel. We are by his side as he sits uncomfortably on an early evening bus after a home match, with his fellow passengers including some who had just witnessed a less than impressive performance on the pitch. It is McVay who brings us this close.

It is becoming hard to find genuinely honest and readable accounts of football. Steak Diana Ross is one which fills the void and warms the heart. It is an articulate, amusing and pleasing book. Tuck in!

 

[Hong Kong Blue]

As a genre I now tend to avoid these.

I'll occasionally make an exception if one sounds like being a bit different. Garry Nelson's books are a fascinating insight into what its like away from the premier$hite glare - I can't believe an Orient fan mentioned him before any of us. Stan Collymore's book is probably as good as you'll get from someone famous. He has the advantage of actually being articulate and interesting.

 

[Uncle Leo]

Keane's was entertaining, as was Clough's. Pearce's one wasn't particularly well written, but it did have a few interesting insights.

He has at least had a life outside football (still worked part-time as an electrician even when playing top flight football for Forest). Read Nelson's book about ten years ago and that was indeed very enjoyable.

I can't imagine the likes of Lampard, Cole or Ferdinand have anything even remotely interesting to say and I'm not likely to find out as I won't be touching any of them with a bargepole.