Feed back please.

[BaileytheQuitter]

Not bad, particularly for a first attempt, but it can be improved a lot.

I've added some comments in bold, until I got bored.


*Try not to use so many clichés. The Echo/club web-site is not the style to aspire to. Instead see how Slipper's writing looks far more original rather than regurgitating "tired clichés".
*You use far too many superfluous words. If a word doesn't add anything to your sentence don't use it. Read through each sentence line by line and consider whether each word is necessary. Otherwise you are diluting your message.
* Apostrophes. Learn how to use them.
* Actually proof-read your article rather than rely on spell-check (which would be a start!). You can't send a piece in to a potential employer that is riddled with typos.

All true, but i didnt write this for the intention of an employee reading it. I wrote it in about 20 mins 11.30 couple of nights ago.

But all taken into account.

Cheers. :)

 

[ShrimperChris]

:D Sounds fun. I have an offer from Chichester University aswell but I am not as enthusiastic about the course.

I left Chichester University about a year ago because my course (PE teaching) didnt work out. Nice enough area and fairly cheap for students, but when I found the course I was doing wasn't for me there wasn't anything that really made me want to stay there beyond my house contract. I re-applied to do history (now at DeMontfort Uni Leicester) which I could have done in Chichester but didn't want to.

Nothing against the University. The staff were brilliant, good facilities, really no complaints at all, but I would definately make sure the course makes you want to see it through. I found that wasn't the case, which is why I'm now at DMU, and frankly having the time of my life.

 

[Firestorm]

If you're interested in being a Journalist, it's well worth a look. I'd highly recommend it despite it putting me off print journalism all together, but they demonstrate to you that it's not the only avenue to go down.

Look here for more info: http://courses.brighton.ac.uk/course.php?cnum=33

You too. 18 months of doing SJ at Preston and my son had an amazing dislike for all things Journalistic !

Be wary, as well, of the enjoyment of writing about something you like, being cofused with a like of writing. My Son wrote the match reports for SUFC (Programme and OS ) for 2 years Home and away and loved every second of it, yet could not get enthused about writing a Bury vs Cheltenham match report....

 

[Slipperduke]

PM winging its way to you!

 

[sufcintheprem]

Hi all.

I play for my local football team- Hadleigh Athletic, and have been writing match reports after the games. Ive always had a liking for writing, especially football reports. Just wondered if anyone would mind reading one of my reports and telling me if they think its any good. Its a bit long so i understand if you dont read but any feed back would be very welcome.

Cheers.

SALMON HAS HADLEIGH LEAPING FOR JOY.

A Shaun Salmon Bbrace secured Hadleigh Athletic another hard earned point against fierce rivals Benfleet Villa. The Athletic hitman scored his fourth and fifth goals in the fifth game running ??? taking him to joint first in the team's goal scoring ranks.

The matched started well for Hadleigh with the team's preferred starting eleven proving their worth with some slick football that was pleasing on the eye. Yet despite the teams hard work they failed to break down a determined Benfleet Villa side. In truth neither team, for all their grit and graft, looked able to break down the others defence.

Hadleighs defence would have been pleased with their start to the match, with a strong line being held and all threat created by Villa being thwarted out. It looked a stark contrast to the back line which had let in eight goals the week before. Yet for all the yard work Hadleigh were undone as a loose ball feel to the feet of a Benfleet Villa player who somehow managed to sqiurm the ball over Charlie Ince in the Hadleigh Athletic goal.

Yet unlike previous weeks heads did not drop, with much needed fight being shown. Hadleigh continued to persivere with their good football, refusing to be drawn into a long ball physical battle. However they went into half time one nil down and staring yet another defeat in the face.

A quick gulp of water and a bite of an orange was all the team had time for before they were called back to the field for the second half. There was a determined feel to the side that said- 'we WILL not lose this game, we can salvage a result.'

The second half started much like the first ended, good football being played yet no end result. Frustration was beggining to show when Shaun Salmon popped up to draw the game level, and in the process score his fourth goal of the current campaign. The ball bobbled sixteen yards from the goal where the striker hit the ball on the half volley into the left hand side of the net to send the team into euphoria. The passion and delight was clear on Salmon's face.

The team seemed to start to believe a win was attainable. They had the hope of securing he first three points of the season. However their plans were quickly undone when a through ball was poorly dealt with and the Benfleet Villa striker hit a hard shot under the body of the Hadleigh keeper to give his side the lead once again, and give Hadleigh yet another uphill task. They had been here before.

With twenty minutes to go Hadleigh attempted another assault upon the Benfleet goal but the ball was cleared with power to launch the home side on the counter attack. The ball beat the defence and the on-rushing striker beat the offside goal to see himself through on goal with only the keeper to beat. However a stiff challenge from Hadleigh's no-nonsence centre back; Sam Watkins saw the player tumble off the ball. After some deliberation the hadleigh defender was shown a red card, leaving the division two team with ten men and two one down.

Just when all seemed lost Shaun Salmon came to the teams rescue once more with a glorious goal which earnt his team a vital point in their mission to claw their way off the bottom of the league. A long ball was played through to the five in five striker who showed his pace and strength to race through before firing a brilliant low shot into the bottom of the goal. With all but three minutes to go and with the game at two all the game was played out and Hadleigh had claimed a superb point.

We caught up with goal-hero Shaun Salmon after the game who said- "Well you know these are the games you want to be playing in. I love the rivalry that comes with playing Villa, and it was fantastic to score two against my old club."

He continued, "Ive felt on top of my game the past few weeks and its great to repay the faith shown in me with goals for the team. But its not all about the goals, i felt the whole team were top notch today. Charlie was simply superb today in goal and has kept us in it."

FINAL COMMENTS- Make no qualms about it. This was a brilliant point for the team. It was arguably the teams best performances of the season. Shaun Salmon was once again clinical in front of goal, yet praise should be heaped upon the defence also who showed great fight and spirit against a strong Benfleet Villa strike force. The team now goes into the last two games still looking for their first win of the season. Yet if they can show this determination next season then the future is very bright indeed. The futures bright, the futures red and white.

UP THE HADDERS.

James Burton.

I think you may need to proof-read a bit more. I saw a couple of things when reading it and then as I looked a bit closer a few more things poppped out. Definitely need to make sure on teh apostrophes.

IMO, the best football reporting is as concise as possible on the actual details of the match looking to describe the atmosphere at the game, impact of a goal on the bigger picture or momentum. I think too many club offical sites, for instance, tend to report in a minute-by-minute style.

Still, you've clearly got the enthusiasm. I'd recommend doing reports on games you play in with mates with a humourous twist - in some ways it encourages more creative language use. Slightly worryingly, we managed to do reports on every 5-a-side game we played in Portsmouth btu even reading some of them now makes me laugh

 

[sufcintheprem]

On the subject of sports journalism and journalism in general, I have a lot of friends who do this sort of thing and it's worked out pretty well for all of them but be wary that the pay isn't great and a lot of your time seems to be spent doing apprenticeships or writing you're not interested in. In fact, my friend who now does the website at Arsenal probably had the worst of the lot.

If you enjoy it though, it would be worth it.

 

[Mad Cyril]

I would add a few more puns (Andy's got the Ansah, Angell of Mersey, Stan gives them the Colly-wobbles etc.) and abbreviate a few more surnames (Lamps, Becks etc. etc.)

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

PM winging its way to you!

Bailey - listen to what the Duke of Slipper has to say. Unlike the rest of us, he actually gets paid to write his stuff.

:D

 

[Mad Cyril]

Bailey - listen to what the Duke of Slipper has to say. Unlike the rest of us, he actually gets paid to write his stuff.

:D

Why wasn't this advice made public?

In such a competitive business does he really need another Pirhana in the tank.......?

 

[Pubey]

I was going to ask if you were Shaun Salmon until I saw your name at the bottom!

Joking aside, a great piece... and get in touch with the SZ mods as there are always times they look for someone to write a report. If you do a southend one then take a notebook and jot down the names of players who made assists, fouls, took corners etc as these things are hard to remember otherwise and add a little bit more info. Also make sure you proof read it properly as I spotted a few typos which a spell checker wouldn't have picked up!

Great report though, well done!

 

[BaileytheQuitter]

I have Pm'd back.

Was a great read and very very helpful.

I'm going to continue writing article's and persevere (spelling corrected).

If people have the time (and the response has been brilliant so cheers all), i'll continue to post my articles and hopefully you will start to see some improvement.

BtB.

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

They might offer you work experience, you never know where these things can go do you?

Very good advice, you never know what doors may open!!

 

[NZamba Legend]

What I want to know is why isn't Tilly going after a precocious young talent like Shaun Salmon? He sounds like the kind of striker we need to replace Freddy- he is also playing right on our doorstep and would be available for almost nothing. Surely we should get him in asap, come on Tilly and Brush he cant be any worse than Matt Harrold, Billy Paynter, Richie Foran, Gary Hooper, Lee Bradbury, Eric Odiahambo blah blah blah... No doubt Salmon will be the latest in a long line to slip through the net and join a local rival.

I also like the sound of centre back Watkins.

 

[A Century United]

Chap in our class left at 16 and went to work at the Echo, became a Footie reporter on the Nationals and is now the Times Tennis correspondent - Neil Harman. So it can be done.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

PM winging its way to you!

Bailey - listen to what the Duke of Slipper has to say. Unlike the rest of us, he actually gets paid to write his stuff.

:D

Yeah, whatever the Duke sent you. My route into it all is far more circuitous and less refined.... :p

 

[Mad Cyril]

Chap in our class left at 16 and went to work at the Echo, became a Footie reporter on the Nationals and is now the Times Tennis correspondent - Neil Harman. So it can be done.

I would 'echo' these sentiments.

I used to work for the Evening Echo (delivery 1988-1989) and now I work for Reuters.

 

[Slipperduke]

Yeah, whatever the Duke sent you. My route into it all is far more circuitous and less refined.... :p

Less refined?! What did you do? I had to shag my way to this lowly position!

Stupid of me really. The pay is **** and I can't sit down without wincing.

 

[blues_r_best]

No doubt Salmon will be the latest in a long line to slip through the net and join a local rival.

Like the mighty Fisher Athletic?

 

[Mad Cyril]

Like the mighty Fisher Athletic?

We landed neville Roach though.

 

[Firestorm]

But missed out on Geoff Pike


Oh and we did get Andy PolyCARPou