Danger in the office

[Slipperduke]

I just shifted forward in my chair and squealed out loud as one of my balls slipped out of my boxer shorts and under my descending thigh.

I'm writing this in a considerable amount of discomfort. Who would have thought you could do so much damage to yourself in an office.

The pain is second only to the time that I unwittingly banged my shin on the recently opened bottom drawer of a filing cabinet a few years ago. Now that really smarted.

What's the most painful thing you've done to yourself in an office?

 

[The Artful Shrimper]

I once spent many a happy day take the rise out of a work colleague who had some dodgy piles.

What goes around comes around.

A few weeks later I picked a a rather large drum of chemical and felt a twinge and what felt like my pants ripping.
I had piles for about a two weeks, painful, itchy and bleeding.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Told the boss he was a tw&t

 

[Uncle Leo]

Walked into the corner of a bank of desks the other day. A sharp wooden corner. Of course, I didn't let on that it hurt when it actually happened but I let out a little sob when I got back to my seat.

Ended up with a fantastic purply-green bruise on my thigh as well.

 

[McNasty]

A bloke zipped his willy in his flies in the Spread the other day. He was quite embarrassed when the bar-maid put the first-aid box on the bar and told him to help himself to a bandage.

 

[Slipperduke]

Quote[/b] (Uxbridge Shrimper @ Jan. 11 2007,16:24)]Walked into the corner of a bank of desks the other day. A sharp wooden corner. Of course, I didn't let on that it hurt when it actually happened but I let out a little sob when I got back to my seat.

Ended up with a fantastic purply-green bruise on my thigh as well.

Oooh. That'll sting.

I did something similar the other day in Castle Clarkintosh. I tried to get in behind the telly to fiddle with the wires, pressed up against the wall and dropped to my haunches, forgetting about the corner of the radiator.

I think I blacked out for a bit.

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Not in the office (unless you class the bedroom as somewhere one does most of their work ... hmmm!) but I once tried to extract the remnants of a broken light bulb from a bedside lamp - whilst it was still plugged into the mains. If I had hair it would have been standing very much to attention but my super-fast reflexes managed to drop the lamp before too much damage was done however not surprisingly I did trip all the electrics in the villa. A lesson was learnt: don't try and extract bits of a lightbulb from a bedside lamp still plugged into the wall after you have spent all day down at a beach bar sunning yourself and quaffing an extraordinary amount of cerveza interspersed with several mojitos ...

 

[davewebbsbrain]

Constantly bashing my head under desks while patching network ports for lazy bone idle computer programmers etc,  but the benefits in the summer of repatching under desks of girlies with very short skirts far outweighs the pain of this.

 

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (davewebbsbrain @ Jan. 11 2007,18:03)]Constantly bashing my head under desks while patching network ports for lazy bone idle computer programmers etc,  but the benefits in the summer of repatching under desks of girlies with very short skirts far outweighs the pain of this.

 

Amen to that! My mind has just wandered back to my previous incarnation as a network engineer in the City!

 

[davewebbsbrain]

Quote[/b] (Xàbia Shrimper @ Jan. 11 2007,17:08)]

Quote[/b] (davewebbsbrain @ Jan. 11 2007,18:03)]Constantly bashing my head under desks while patching network ports for lazy bone idle computer programmers etc,  but the benefits in the summer of repatching under desks of girlies with very short skirts far outweighs the pain of this.

 

Amen to that! My mind has just wandered back to my previous incarnation as a network engineer in the City!

 

Did you ever get:

"My PC has switched itself off"

Hmm..thats because you have wrapped your feet round the power cable and pulled it out"

Users even think the monitor is the computer..

 

[dloman]

Mine is a tale of woe, It was my first day many years ago at a company i had desperately wanted to work for. Imagine a large open plan office with nice big banks of desks accompanied by assorted lovelies sitting at each. Anyway i digress because also part of this office was a kind of print room with many aa glass door leading off into the main office.

Now this room was filled to the limit with printers, mainly old dot matrix ones. But of course with lots of printers come lots of wires and believe me there were loads sprawled across the whole print room floor.

As i was opening the door laden with print outs my foot was attacked by one at least one these wires, maybe it was more than one, it was dfficult to tell in the heat of the battle that ensued. I proceeded to be propelled through the now open door onto the main office floor with paper flying everywhere.

Well apart from the obvious embarrasment what struck me most was the concrete floor and as a result i ended up with one bruised kneecap and one fractured kneecap, and upon completing only half a day at my new company was then off 8 weeks recuperating!

 

[Slipperduke]

Quote[/b] (dloman @ Jan. 11 2007,17:40)]Well apart from the obvious embarrasment what struck me most was the concrete floor

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a winner!

*passes over Line Of The Week award*

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (davewebbsbrain @ Jan. 11 2007,18:26)]Did you ever get:

"My PC has switched itself off"

Hmm..thats because you have wrapped your feet round the power cable and pulled it out"

Users even think the monitor is the computer..

I've had:

"The PC doesn't switch on."
"Is it plugged in?"
"No."
"Take a wild stab in the dark then ..."

"I can't access the internet!"
"What are you using to access it."
"Microsoft Word."
"?!"

I was also under a desk of some commodity broker tosser who was complaining that his keypad wasn't working properly. Yes, he pulled the keypad cable out of the pack of the unit so I obligingly slid under the desk to push it back into the socket. Barely five seconds later he started kicking me under the desk quite hard and shouting abuse because he needed to close a deal or something. One thing you never do to a network engineer is kick him under the desk; it doesn't work that way. Now, I have the patience of a saint ... except when a fat tosser with more money than sense starts kicking me under a desk. After the fourth or fifth kick, I lashed out with my feet and caught him square on the shin with the heel of my shoe. He squealed in pain as I edged my way out from under the desk, leant over him as he sat rubbing his leg and asked "do you want to start a f%cking kicking match then?" He whimpered something like "no, no, no" and hobbled off out of the office. His colleagues ****ed themselves with laughter whilst I sheepishly scurried away to face the inevitable music ... which never arrived ...

I emigrated to Spain three months later ...

 

[jumbo shrimp]

I've got into an annoying habit lately of trapping fingers between the armrest of the office chair and the underside of the desk.

I'm not doing the pain justice with that description - but believe me the pinching of the skin compounded with the fact that your finger is trapped (and thus the pain prolonged) is mighty frustrating.

 

[Kenny]

Quote[/b] (Xàbia Shrimper @ Jan. 11 2007,18:02)]"The PC doesn't switch on."
"Is it plugged in?"
"No."
"Take a wild stab in the dark then ..."

I get that at least twice a week

 

[blues_r_best]

I get attacked by two german alsatians when I go to work.

I'm not even a postie.

 

[Einstein]

Quote[/b] (blues_r_best @ Jan. 11 2007,19:57)]I get attacked by two german alsatians when I go to work.

I'm not even a postie.

What are german alsatians?!

Do you mean German Shepherds?

If you don't understand then research it. There is no such breed as Alsatian I'm afraid!

 

[blues_r_best]

Quote[/b] (Einstein @ Jan. 11 2007,20:10)]

Quote[/b] (blues_r_best @ Jan. 11 2007,19:57)]I get attacked by two german alsatians when I go to work.

I'm not even a postie.

What are german alsatians?!

Do you mean German Shepherds?  

If you don't understand then research it.  There is no such breed as Alsatian I'm afraid!

Well, to be honest I'm not sure of their heritage but they are alastians.

Wiki

 

[Einstein]

Quote[/b] (blues_r_best @ Jan. 11 2007,20:23)]

Quote[/b] (Einstein @ Jan. 11 2007,20:10)]

Quote[/b] (blues_r_best @ Jan. 11 2007,19:57)]I get attacked by two german alsatians when I go to work.

I'm not even a postie.

What are german alsatians?!

Do you mean German Shepherds?  

If you don't understand then research it.  There is no such breed as Alsatian I'm afraid!

Well, to be honest I'm not sure of their heritage but they are alastians.

Wiki

There is no official such breed as Alsatian !!

You obviously went to wikipedia and read the top line only!!!

Alsatian was a term used after the World Wars so the word 'German' was not banded about in any sense.  Wikipedia doesn't state it, but I am pretty sure it was the Americans that started the term 'Alsatian'.

So to clarify again just for you.  There is no such breed as Alsatian, but there is a breed called German Shepherd and they are cute little things that look like this...

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

And ... breath ...