It's a good, detailed report Bailey with some impressive points. You've got the intro length spot on, your intro only needs to be around 10-15 words long.
Following on from what Slipper said about paragraphs and repetition, it's a bit wordy in places, but it's also good that your not using too much descriptive or flowery language.
Only thing I would say is, for a match report, it's a bit on the long side. Putting it into Word it comes out as 939 words, almost double the length of most match reports that get published in the dailies. What I'd do for great practice is to sit down on a Saturday or Sunday and pick a game that's on Sky Coverage if you have it. Give yourself 500 words, and write your report as you would if you were a Journo and you have a deadline to meet of 15 minutes after the games finished.
So you'd skip writing the introduction, and write roughly 200-250 words on the first half action by the time the 2nd half has started, then write another 150 words on the 2nd half action by the time the game is coming to an end, then go back and write your introduction and conclusion after the game has finished.
The reason you do it this way, is that your introduction is a quick summary of the result, and obviously you can't write that at the end. This will be excellent practice for University, as it's a lot of what you'll be doing in your 2nd year.
If it helps, this is my Match Report for the Champions League Final last year, the word limit is 400 words and regardless of the result, we had to submit 10 minutes after the first 90 minutes, so you leave a report open ended if that's the case:
MANCHESTER United and Chelsea are locked in a 1-1 stalemate after
normal time in the first ever all-English Champions League Final.
Frank Lampard had cancelled out Cristiano Ronaldo's header in a first
half dominated by United before Didier Drogba hit the post late on in
the second half.
Ashley Cole recovered from a training ground injury that occurred on
Tuesday morning, whereas nobody in the United line-up started in their
famous Champions League victory in 1999, although Ryan Giggs started
on the bench.
A tentative start to the game saw United look slightly more
threatening, almost going ahead after Cristiano Ronaldo left Michael
Essien for dead before crossing the ball into the Chelsea area with
Owen Hargreaves almost converting.
United had their lead in the 26th minute through who else but
Cristiano Ronaldo, scoring his 45th goal of the campaign heading in
Wes Brown's cross. Chelsea almost leveled 7 minutes later, a defensive
slip by Rio Ferdinand giving Michael Ballack a header that Edwin Van
Der Sar saved from point blank range.
United responded by surging forward and only a great double save from
Petr Cech, denying both Carlos Tevez and Michael Carrick, kept Chelsea
in the game. Tevez went closer to doubling United's lead 3 minutes
from half time, narrowly missing a Wayne Rooney cross that crept
through the Chelsea ranks.
With just seconds remaining in the half, Frank Lampard pounced on
Michael Essien's deflected shot that deceived the United defence to
equalise and send the teams in level at half time.
Chelsea started much the stronger in the second half, almost taking
the lead in the 54th minute after Florent Malouda slid Michael Essien
through, only for him to fire over the bar.
Chelsea grew in confidence and a great defensive header from Nemanja
Vidic removed Ashley Cole's dangerous cross before Michael Ballack
fired wide from 30 yards. As Chelsea continued to dominate, the United
defence persisted in soaking up the pressure, denying both Frank
Lampard and Michael Ballack.
As the game drew on, it began to even out and United wrestled
back possession from Chelsea. Malouda had a penalty claim turned down
after falling over in the box before Didier Drogba, who had been
quiet, crashed a 78th minute effort against the post.
Ryan Giggs replaced Paul Scholes to feature for the 759th time in a
United shirt with minutes remaining, breaking Bobby Charlton's record,
as United held on to take the game into extra time.
Man United (4-3-3): Van Der Sar, Brown, Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra,
Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Rooney, Tevez, Ronaldo.
Subs: Kuszcak, Anderson, Giggs, Nani, O'Shea, Fletcher, Silvestre.
Chelsea (4-5-1): Cech, Essien, Terry, Carvalho, A.Cole, Makelele,
Ballack, Lampard, Malouda, J.Cole, Drogba.
Subs: Cudicini, Shevchenko, Mikel, Kalou, Alex, Belletti, Anelka.
