canveyshrimper
R.I.P
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross", The English have not bee "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "P*ssed Off" to "Let's get the B*stards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised the terrorist threat level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" or "Surrender". The rise precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert, Italy has increased their alert level to "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready for deployment. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.
Americans, meanwhile and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, "just in Case".
Canada doesn't have alert levels.
And in the Southern Hemisphere:
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaaa" to BAAAA". Due to contnuing defence cutbacks, their Airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the Navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
The Scots raised their threat level from "P*ssed Off" to "Let's get the B*stards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised the terrorist threat level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" or "Surrender". The rise precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert, Italy has increased their alert level to "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready for deployment. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.
Americans, meanwhile and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, "just in Case".
Canada doesn't have alert levels.
And in the Southern Hemisphere:
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaaa" to BAAAA". Due to contnuing defence cutbacks, their Airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the Navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
