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HUTTON

Guest
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come Americans choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
 
Can you cry under water?

It depends on what depth you are at. If the force of the lacrimosal glands outweighs the depth pressure of the surrounding water, then yes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Very.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Because money is the ROOT of all evil.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Spam isn't

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

They are the same value. You are not being conned.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

This question relies on an unprovable quantity, and is therefore hypothetical and impossible to give a difinitive answer to.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Because it is easier than making dough rectangular, and cardboard boxes round.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

In the unlikely event that the pig was diseased, it is most likely to have been suffering from influenza. However, this question is rendered irrelevant as the pig wasn't cured - it has died and is sitting in your sandwich.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Robert Plath invented luggage wheels in 1989. In 1969 he was too young to work for NASA. The birth of Steve Wignall had probably disrupted the space/time continuum and made all sorts of weird stuff happen. Causality is like that.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Because people are stupid.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Yes. See: here

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

This only happens at the Eiffel Tower. This is because you want to look at people in France, but you don't want to have to get too close to them, in case they turn out to be French.

How come Americans choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Because a 50-party system would be ludicrous, and 50 women = 100 breasts.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Because you are ugly and they want to see you in the buff for as little time as possible.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Because bra is a wallflower at parties, and panties need two things in the holes at anyone time.FONT]

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Yes. Illiterate people have tastebuds too, you bigot.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

It's calf

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Because the invention of toasters was a result of a build-up of natural background malignancy. Anyone who isn't a council-estate serf knows to do their toast on a grill.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Because you don't keep beer in the freezer, and the freezer compartment is therefore a second-class area of the appliance.

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Depends on how stoned you are.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Because Kate Nash needs something to aspire to lyrically.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Yes, as there are always two undertakers in a hearse.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because he is a genius who can manage the extraordinary, but not the mudane. Plus it would have involved heavy lifting.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because the latter would be considered rude. The gesture should be reserved for guaranteed pulling in Basildon

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Why did T-Rex's stand erect while Diplodocus' remained on all fours? They're both dinosaurs.

What do you call male ballerinas?

A "danseur". No, really.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

No (if they have been blind from birt - they are not capable of the necessary R.E.M.) and yes, respectively

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Because that wouldn't make for a very entertaining cartoon.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Babies. Duh.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Stupid people can be moral too. It's not their fault. It's their parent's for having sex with another dumb person.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

No, but it is the only theme park founded by a peadophile.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

No.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Because they made me. They're everywhere. In the shadows. I can hear them. Can't you hear threm? We're all doomed!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Because that's what it says in the dictionary. An alternative to "hemorrhoid" is "ar se grapes".

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window

Unlike you, I don't blow dogs. Dogs stick their head out of windows to fulfil their need to leave bodily fluids on passing lampposts.
 
Last edited:
Can you cry under water?

It depends on what depth you are at. If the force of the lacrimosal glands outweighs the depth pressure of the surrounding water, then yes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Very.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Because money is the ROOT of all evil.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Spam isn't

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

They are the same value. You are not being conned.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

This question relies on an unprovable quantity, and is therefore hypothetical and impossible to give a difinitive answer to.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Because it is easier than making dough rectangular, and cardboard boxes round.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

In the unlikely event that the pig was diseased, it is most likely to have been suffering from influenza. However, this question is rendered irrelevant as the pig wasn't cured - it has died and is sitting in your sandwich.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Robert Plath invented luggage wheels in 1989. In 1969 he was too young to work for NASA. The birth of Steve Wignall had probably disrupted the space/time continuum and made all sorts of weird stuff happen. Causality is like that.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Because people are stupid.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Yes. See: here

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

This only happens at the Eiffel Tower. This is because you want to look at people in France, but you don't want to have to get too close to them, in case they turn out to be French.

How come Americans choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Because a 50-party system would be ludicrous, and 50 women = 100 breasts.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Because you are ugly and they want to see you in the buff for as little time as possible.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Because bra is a wallflower at parties, and panties need two things in the holes at anyone time.FONT]

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Yes. Illiterate people have tastebuds too, you bigot.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

It's calf

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Because the invention of toasters was a result of a build-up of natural background malignancy. Anyone who isn't a council-estate serf knows to do their toast on a grill.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Because you don't keep beer in the freezer, and the freezer compartment is therefore a second-class area of the appliance.

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Depends on how stoned you are.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Because Kate Nash needs something to aspire to lyrically.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Yes, as there are always two undertakers in a hearse.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because he is a genius who can manage the extraordinary, but not the mudane. Plus it would have involved heavy lifting.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because the latter would be considered rude. The gesture should be reserved for guaranteed pulling in Basildon

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Why did T-Rex's stand erect while Diplodocus' remained on all fours? They're both dinosaurs.

What do you call male ballerinas?

A "danseur". No, really.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

No (if they have been blind from birt - they are not capable of the necessary R.E.M.) and yes, respectively

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Because that wouldn't make for a very entertaining cartoon.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Babies. Duh.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Stupid people can be moral too. It's not their fault. It's their parent's for having sex with another dumb person.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

No, but it is the only theme park founded by a peadophile.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

No.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Because they made me. They're everywhere. In the shadows. I can hear them. Can't you hear threm? We're all doomed!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Because that's what it says in the dictionary. An alternative to "hemorrhoid" is "**** grapes".

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window

Unlike you, I don't blow dogs. Dogs stick their head out of windows to fulfil their need to leave bodily fluids on passing lampposts.


:hilarious:

Well done that man!
 
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

It's to do with the depth, rather than the length, of the sleep. Babies may only sleep for a comparatively short time but they tend to be able to sleep through anything.
 

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