Fat Bastid
Coach
One day, an Englishman walked into an antiques shop in London.Looking around, he notices a life-sized bronze sculpture of a cat.
The sculpture is so intriguing he decides he must buy it and asks the shopkeeper the price.
"Twelve pounds for the cat, sir," the shopkeeper tells him,"and 100 pounds for the story that goes with it."
"I'll take the cat," says the man, "but you can keep the story."
The transaction completed, the Englishman leaves the store with the bronze cat under his arm.
As he crossed the street in front of the store, two live cats emerged from an alley and fall into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another alley, more cats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred cats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout.
He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of cats swarm from alleys, basements,
vacant lots, and abandoned cars.
Thousands of cats are now at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the cats keep up, hissing insanely, now not just thousands, but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of cats several blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze cat into the River Thames.
Clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of cats surges over the banks into the river, where they all drown.
Amazed and almost dumbstruck, he makes his way back to the antiques shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the shopkeeper.
"No," says the Englishman, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Asylum seeker."
The sculpture is so intriguing he decides he must buy it and asks the shopkeeper the price.
"Twelve pounds for the cat, sir," the shopkeeper tells him,"and 100 pounds for the story that goes with it."
"I'll take the cat," says the man, "but you can keep the story."
The transaction completed, the Englishman leaves the store with the bronze cat under his arm.
As he crossed the street in front of the store, two live cats emerged from an alley and fall into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another alley, more cats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred cats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout.
He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of cats swarm from alleys, basements,
vacant lots, and abandoned cars.
Thousands of cats are now at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the cats keep up, hissing insanely, now not just thousands, but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of cats several blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze cat into the River Thames.
Clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of cats surges over the banks into the river, where they all drown.
Amazed and almost dumbstruck, he makes his way back to the antiques shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the shopkeeper.
"No," says the Englishman, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Asylum seeker."
