Shrimper till i die
Youth Team
I live in Leigh but work in Chelmsford so not surprisingly no one really shares my passion for the blues at work. Over the past couple of weeks I have been getting a lot of stick about us ‘bottling it’ at the last minute with home defeats from the Gills and Donny. My boss was convinced we wouldn’t be champions saying ‘you lot just aint got the bottle, you cant hack the pressure!’
Well… this email from my boss lay in my inbox this morning… god love him!
....................................................................................
On Saturday morning, Wayne was ambling along the seafront idly kicking an empty coke tin.
“Just our luck”, he said to himself “so near and yet so far – I wonder where it can be?”
Disconsolately, he scored a noisy goal between a litter bin and a tree, thought of retrieving the tin, but chose to leave it.
As he sauntered on, a burly hand gripped his shoulder.
“’Ello ‘ello ‘ello’” said a voice, shocking Wayne out of his reverie, “I saw that”.
Turning he saw that he had been accosted by a Southend-on-Sea Sea-Front Parks Attendant. SoSSFPAs are chosen for their ability to produce maximum sarcasm for minimum cost and have been known to hand out death sentence tickets just to see the reaction from a litterer.
“What do you think you are, sonny? A footballer? Heh heh heh”
Wayne bit back the words – he knew it was hopeless. His weekly pay could finance the SoSSFPA’s lifestyle for a decade – but this was not about money, this was about POWER and he had none in this situation.
“Sorry officer”, he mumbled, “forgot myself”. Knowing that resistance was futile he bit back the words seething in his mind, tossed the tin into the litter bin and, again excusing himself, he moved on.
As he approached the pier, Wayne saw a green object bobbing in the sea by one of the Victorian cast-iron supports. Thinking he might be able to kick it somewhere, he removed his socks and shoes, waded into the murky waters, and recovered the object.
When he saw what it was he was very excited! “At last we have the answer to our troubles” he muttered, trying not to let anyone see that he was talking to himself.
Tucking the find under his jacket, he made his way to the Dressing Room in plenty of time for the big match.
Later in the day, he was joined by his team-mates and thousands of supporters in celebrating the return of this insignificant looking green thing, that had given them the dream they all so earnestly sought.
He had found the Shrimpers’ bottle!
Anon (with apologies to the SoSSFPAs who are I am sure nothing like that at all!)
Well… this email from my boss lay in my inbox this morning… god love him!
....................................................................................
On Saturday morning, Wayne was ambling along the seafront idly kicking an empty coke tin.
“Just our luck”, he said to himself “so near and yet so far – I wonder where it can be?”
Disconsolately, he scored a noisy goal between a litter bin and a tree, thought of retrieving the tin, but chose to leave it.
As he sauntered on, a burly hand gripped his shoulder.
“’Ello ‘ello ‘ello’” said a voice, shocking Wayne out of his reverie, “I saw that”.
Turning he saw that he had been accosted by a Southend-on-Sea Sea-Front Parks Attendant. SoSSFPAs are chosen for their ability to produce maximum sarcasm for minimum cost and have been known to hand out death sentence tickets just to see the reaction from a litterer.
“What do you think you are, sonny? A footballer? Heh heh heh”
Wayne bit back the words – he knew it was hopeless. His weekly pay could finance the SoSSFPA’s lifestyle for a decade – but this was not about money, this was about POWER and he had none in this situation.
“Sorry officer”, he mumbled, “forgot myself”. Knowing that resistance was futile he bit back the words seething in his mind, tossed the tin into the litter bin and, again excusing himself, he moved on.
As he approached the pier, Wayne saw a green object bobbing in the sea by one of the Victorian cast-iron supports. Thinking he might be able to kick it somewhere, he removed his socks and shoes, waded into the murky waters, and recovered the object.
When he saw what it was he was very excited! “At last we have the answer to our troubles” he muttered, trying not to let anyone see that he was talking to himself.
Tucking the find under his jacket, he made his way to the Dressing Room in plenty of time for the big match.
Later in the day, he was joined by his team-mates and thousands of supporters in celebrating the return of this insignificant looking green thing, that had given them the dream they all so earnestly sought.
He had found the Shrimpers’ bottle!
Anon (with apologies to the SoSSFPAs who are I am sure nothing like that at all!)
