My New Favourite Website

[EastStandBlue]

http://textsfromlastnight.com/best-nights/

(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

 

[BoyWonder2]

My personal faviourite so far:

(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

 

[Bielzibubz]

I laughed out loud at this one.

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my c**k in your a**
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

:D

 

[Pubey]

I laughed out loud at this one.

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my c**k in your a**
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

:D

hahahaha!!!

 

[EastStandBlue]

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull **** his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

 

[BoyWonder2]

(212): chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

 

[BoyWonder2]

(435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

That made me spit my beer on my computer.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my **** was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

(347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

 

[MK Shrimper]

(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

 

[Pubey]

(651): sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
(1-651): you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends

 

[Pubey]

(334): Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
(1-334): You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.

 

[blues_r_best]

(305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
(615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

 

[blues_r_best]

(206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.