JOTD

[sufc_stu]

It's reported that on their wedding night the following took place:
As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle,
she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her
sister's, which were a bit on the small side.
When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla
retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince
Phillip's.

As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped
on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are
killing me."

The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour,
but it was stuck fast.

"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"
"I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody
tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!"
There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed,
"There!
That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SO good!"
In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,
"See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."
Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.
"Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to
the throne.
At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said,

"That's my boy - Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

 

[ldnfatso]

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
To get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of
it.


The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.


Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front
seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got
broken."

"What's the morale of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.


Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten
live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah."


Johnny, do you have a story to! share?" (with a slight tremor in her voice)


"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon.

Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her
plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had
was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the
whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right
in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the
machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more
with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last
ten with her bare hands."


"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did
your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"


"Stay the f #ck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking."