Joke

[steveh1510]

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he was pulled over by the Police.
The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been drinking Sir?"
"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?"
"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"

 

[sismith]

Short but simply ones both from Zoo

"why did jade goody keep ice cubes in the frezzer?

So she could keep it cold"

Man: doctor I'm constipated
Doc: No sh*t?!

 

[steveh1510]

The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin
and crusty supreme.

They sent me Diana Ross.

 

[Leeboy]

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?



It's wheelchair

 

[sismith]

50 Essex birds in the Thames?

Isle of Dogs

 

[steveh1510]

A blonde pushes her Mercedes into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It died."

After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."

She says, "How often do I have to do that?"

 

[sismith]

A trucker stops at a Brothel. He walks up to a madam drops a grand and says " I want your uggliest women and a spam sandwhich" the madam is astonised "but sir for that kinda money you have a fine lady and a 3 course meal" the trucker replies, "listen love I aint horny Im homesick"

 

[Leeboy]

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays"

 

[blues_r_best]

Two blondes walk into a building...



You would think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Leeboy]

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I
said, "Are you two an item?"

 

[sismith]

Employee of the month is an example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time

 

[blues_r_best]

A monster with 3 heads, no arms and 1 leg is waiting at a bus stop. When the bus arrives, the conducter says to him, " Hello, hello, hello, you look 'armless, hop on".

 

[Leeboy]

Quote[/b] (SuperShrimper @ Oct. 18 2004,17:14)]Employee of the month is an example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time

as if you would know, student

 

[sismith]

Ok a prefect then Leeboy. (which I'm not)
More importantly, What did they call the women with no arms or legs that won the Strawberry picking contest?

jammy c**t.

thats my lot for today.

 

[Leeboy]

Quote[/b] (SuperShrimper @ Oct. 18 2004,17:21)]What did they call the women with no arms or legs that won the Strawberry picking contest?

jammy c**t.

probably the first 'dirty' joke I ever learned, way back when.

Name of the first Irish sniper?

Rick O'Shea



I'm getting me coat

 

[* ORM *]

A large hole appeared in the road in Victoria Avenue. Police say they are looking into it.

Three water-filled holes appeared in the road in Victoria Avenue. A police spokesman said "well, well, well".

Someone vandalised the toilets at Southend nick. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road. To get to the Birds-Eye shop.

What's green and smells of pork. Kermit's middle finger.

etc etc

 

[The General]

Those set of jokes are worse than your 5 combined footballing abilities **hic**. 'N thats saying something!!

 

[West Country Shrimper]

Im sorry, but the majority of those jokes have a sense of Tim Vine to them.

They wasn't nicked off him, surely?!

 

[Technician]

How do you burn an Irishman's ear? phone him up whilst he's ironing.

I'm outta here!

 

[GNH]

Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says..... you man the guns and i'll drive