Itchy bum?

[Winkle]

Just driving back from Asda, after purchasing a french stick, I had a incredible itchy bum. There was no warning whatsoever, just an overiding feeling to yank my shorts down and scratch for england but I could not pullover just anywhere as I was in traffic. The severity of the itch nearly forced my van to mount the pavement and take out a couple of old girls as trying to steer my van and scratch my a**e was overwhelming. I did have a quick root around but never got to the appropiate area so I then started manouvering my posteria up and down the seat in a rocking motion trying to gather enough momentum and friction to offset the itch that needed immediate attention. I did not however notice the two girls in the ford fiesta behind me laughing there heads off at my predicament until I pulled over to sort myself out once and for all.
I dread to think what they thought I was doing as I could just not look at them in the face.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Worms mate. Go and see a vet.

 

[McNasty]

I have just got back from Asda after buying a French Stick to see my bull terrier dragging her bum along the carpet. Now that is a co-incidence !

 

[Winkle]

Worms mate. Go and see a vet.

I have a very healthy colon, thankyou. I do however remember reading about some bloke who had a tapeworm in his gut that was 2 and a half feet long.

 

[Sherif H]

Is this really what Shrimperzone has come to....a thread about ring sting/**** itches.....

 

[GNH]

Apparently so!

 

[returningshrimper]

Having a itchy bum creates a dilemma, as to whether or not to deal with it in public. Itches on most parts of your body can be dealt with no problem in public, but the bum and scrotum areas are deemed less acceptable in front of others.

I normally just have a quite glance around, and if the coast is clear, scratch for England

 

[McNasty]

Is this really what Shrimperzone has come to....a thread about ring sting/**** itches.....

It what people talk about in pubs, along with masturbation and sexually deviant practices. So people claimed a while ago.

 

[Sherif H]

It what people talk about in pubs, along with masturbation and sexually deviant practices. So people claimed a while ago.

In fact...it definitely is what people talk about in the Spread (better than talking to Dagenham Kev anyway)...so it is wholly relevant!

 

[GNH]

Itching Dagenham Kev's bum?

 

[duncan bulgaria]

I would of sacrificed the French stick and slipped it down your pants and used it as a rough old ar$e scratcher, could be worse you could off just bought a toliet brush , ouch , or a bottle of wine , too cold !!

French sticks are never prickley nor frezzing cold , you should of just gone for it ;)

 

[McNasty]

In fact...it definitely is what people talk about in the Spread (better than talking to Dagenham Kev anyway)...so it is wholly relevant!

Sherif, I seem to remember seeing you having a sly scratch near the fruit machine in the Spread once.

 

[McNasty]

I would of sacrificed the French stick and slipped it down your pants and used it as a rough old ar$e scratcher, could be worse you could off just bought a toliet brush , ouch , or a bottle of wine , too cold !!

French sticks are never prickley nor frezzing cold , you should of just gone for it ;)

Monday's Echo headline Winkle in Asda Loofah Scandal.

 

[Winkle]

Monday's Echo headline Winkle in Asda Loofah Scandal.

I would have used the french stick beleive me but it had bent in half and doubled up around itself. The thing is once you start scratching you cant stop and it takes guts of " Andy Mcnab" proportion to try and ignore it!

 

[duncan bulgaria]

I would have used the french stick beleive me but it had bent in half and doubled up around itself. The thing is once you start scratching you cant stop and it takes guts of " Andy Mcnab" proportion to try and ignore it!

Thats what you get for shopping in asda mate , a Traditional Sainsbury's French stick would of witheld the force off trying to stick it down your pants ,
Mcnab would of probaly eat the Loaf after usiong it the crazy cat !!

 

[sufcintheprem]

Is this the sort of thread you're allowed to pun on? In the good old puntastic days, I'm pretty sure we'd have had some good material by now.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Go for it, what's the worse that could happen?

 

[* ORM *]

I am reminded of the famous proverb. Confucious say he who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger.

 

[Cricko]

I had an itchy Bum once once .but I kicked her out .

 

[HUTTON]