Funnies insult

[RobM.]

How about a starter for 10../
"If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave its bum and teach it to walk backwards!"

That's got the ball rolling.......

 

[* ORM *]

1) Say to someone "Count your friends"

2) Say "Finished ?" in the next breath

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

The battle waged between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill is right up there in the insults stakes:

<span style='color:blue'>Astor: Sir, if you were my husband, I would put arsenic in your tea.</span>

<span style='color:red'>Chruchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.</span>

* * * *

<span style='color:blue'>Astor: Sir, you are drunk</span>

<span style='color:red'>Chuchill: Madam, yes I am. And you are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.</span>

 

[CANV]

Yo Mama&#39;s So Fat....when she was diagnosed with that flesh eating disease.... the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

Yo Mama&#39;s So Fat....when she dances she makes the band skip.

Yo Mama&#39;s So Fat....she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Yo Mama&#39;s So Fat....her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo Mama&#39;s So Fat....when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.

 

[shooter mcgavin]

I heard about a great bit of sledging in a cricket match a few years ago. Glenn McGrath had been bowling to Eddo Brandes, a chubby Zimbabwean chicken farmer and narrowly missing the outside edge, stumps, LBW decisions etc.

McGrath was getting incensed at Brandes&#39; good fortune and decided to indulge in some sledging, to which Brandes came out with an awesome repost insult:

McGrath: &quot;you lucky f**k, why are you so fat?&quot;

Brandes: &quot;because every time I s**g your wife, she gives me a biscuit&#33;&#33;&quot;

Genius&#33;&#33;

 

[CANV]

wernt the aussies involved in the other sledeing classic...
aussie fast bowler pings down a load that the batsman ( a kiwi i think) swings and misses at ..

aussie bowler.. &#39;its round red and made of wood try to hit it &#39; holding the ball up ..

next delivery gets clumped into the stands..

kiwi batsmen.&#39; you know what it looks like , you f..king go and get it&#39;

 

[canada shrimper]

A mate of mine told me this one

you hold your middle finger under your nose and aimed at the designated person hold out your finger and say smell your mother.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

For the cricket lovers out there, there are some superb bits of &#036;%&amp;*-taking from a match a couple of years ago where the Kiwis thumped the Baggy Greens in an ODI at Adelaide - they won by about 70 runs or so.

The Kiwis posted 260-odd off their 50 overs, with Chris Cairns in his usual bludgeoning form. As he hoisted his third towering six into the stand, Richie Benaud reminded us that he is truly the master of understatement by saying merely:

&quot;I&#39;ll get that.&quot;

The Aussies then crumbled to 6/67 (in Aussie format). Commentating at the time were the over-excitable Bill Lawry (familiar to fans of The Twelfth Man) and the exceedingly dry (and IMHO very amusing) Kiwi, Ian Smith. They shared the following exchange:

<span style='color:green'>Lawry: &quot;Awww...that&#39;s another wicket gone... awww, Australia are now 6/67, but I dunno, I reckon we&#39;re still in this.&quot;</span>

Smith: &quot;Are you drunk, Bill?&quot;

Pure quality.

 

[Rbs_shrimp]

A mate of mine once said to another mate that your house is so dirty its the only one that has a mat on the inside saying &#39;wipe your feet on the way out&#33;&#39;

 

[perth shrimper]

Peter Sellers to someone in the 70&#39;s

&quot; Your mother is an Aubergine and your father smells of elderberries&quot;

 

[sufcintheprem]

Stuie from family guy:

&quot;Well, I&#39;d love to stay and chat but you&#39;re an utter bitch&quot;

Sometimes the simple ones are the best.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (perth shrimper @ June 14 2005,04:26)]Peter Sellers to someone in the 70&#39;s

&quot; Your mother is an Aubergine and your father smells of elderberries&quot;

Erm, that&#39;ll be John Cleese as the Frenchman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

&quot;Your fath-zer was a hamster, and your moth-zer smelt of elderberries...&quot;

 

[IncognitoBlue]

You are ugly and talentless and offensive to my soul.