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>           The Pharmacist
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.  Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He
insulted me terribly this  morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to  confront the druggist, and  demand an apology... Before he could say more
then a word or two, the  druggist said, "Now just a minute! Listen to my  side of  it".................  This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was  late getting up. I went
without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I had locked the house and car keys were inside.
I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about
three blocks from the  store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to  the store there were a  bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened, and started waiting on these people. All the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook. I had to break open a roll of nickels against the  cash register drawer to  make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands  and knees to pick up the nickels. The phone was still ringing. When I came up, I
cracked my head on the open  cash drawer. That made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of  perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the  floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let  up. When I finally got to answer it, it was your  wife. She wanted to know how  to use a RECTAL thermometer. And believe me
Mister, as God is my  witness........all I did was tell her!
 
Beer Goggles

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordering a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"
 

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