Football songs

[col u]

chant to Lord of the Dance tune at Man United the other day:
"Park, Park, Where-ever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
But it could be worse -
You could be a scouse
Eating rats in your council house"


(To the tune of The Addams Family) for fans visiting Roots Hall:
"Your sister is your mother,
your uncle is your brother
You all f@*k one another,
The Southend family der der der der clap clap etc


Newcastle fans towards Sunderland fans:
''Going down, going down, going down"

Sunderland fans reply:
"So are we , so are we , so are we ".


"Where's your real dad, where's your real dad!?"
Sang to Shaun Wright-Philips


Toon fans to JF Hasselbaink (he even laughed!):
"You're just a fat Eddie Murphy"


(To the tune of Craig David - Rewind):
"VAN PER-SIE, WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO - MOLEST HER"


To Graham Rix when he was released from prison after being
convicted for, well, you know... (To the Manic Street Preachers song):
"If you tolerate RIX, then your children will be next"


(To the tune of "when the saints" West Brom sang):
"The premier league (the premier league),
Is upside down (is upside down),
The premier league is upside down.
we're up the top and Chelsea’s at the bottom,
The premier league is upside down"

Then a few seconds later:
"champions!...............champions!....... ......champions!


He's here, he's there
We're not allowed to swear Frank Leboeuf, Frank Leboeuf"
Chelsea fans after Leboeuf said in a radio interview that
he didn't like the idea of a swear word in his song.


A song about Tim Howard's tourettes syndrome.....
"in style of Chim-Chiminey"
"Tim timminy, Tim timminy, Tim Tim Tirooo
We've got Tim Howard and he says F*CK YOU!!


In reference to Jaime Carragher's dad being banned from football stadia after being arrested for being drunk at a football match..
"He's red,He's sound, He's banned from every ground, Carra's dad, Carra's dad"


Sung by Birmingham fans after Heskey started banging in the goals at St Andrews...
"Theres only one Emile Heskey,
one Emile Heskey, He used to be sh!te, But now he’s alright, Walking in a Heskey wonderland"


Here's a beauty sung at Highbury when Cygan is drafted in as emergency cover...
He's bald,
He's sh!t,
He plays when no-one's fit,
Pascal Cygan! Pascal Cygan!


To the tune of Rebel Rebel:
Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your play is immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you're bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad

(Liverpool's Version)
Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your face is a mess,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad
Neville Neville, abuses his lads

Don't blame it on the Biscan,
Don't blame it on the Hamann,
Don't blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore,
He just can't, He just can't, He just can't control his feet.
He just can't, He just can't, He just can't control his feet.


"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
Celtic fans to Andy Goram after its revealed the chubby keeper was diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Where's you Caravan ?, where's your caravan?
Where's you Caravan ?, where's your caravan?

 

[col u]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Shouldn't this be in "The Pub" Forum? Moderators?

WS
Jávea

 

[RobM.]

ooh me ribs hurt!

Why is 'abbreviation' a long word?


Why do people say the obvious? You can be pushing a lawn mower up the garden and your neighbour shouts "Cutting the grass?" No I'm tumble drying a wilderbeest! But you reply "Yes, and doesn't it need it?!"

I'm on holiday next week Going somewhere nice you get asked? No I thought I'd give Siberia a try.

 

[J]

here are some that are sung:

we hate col u and we hate col u..

when i was just a little boy,
i asked my mother what will i be..
should i be southend or col u scum,
here's what she said to me..
wash your mouth out son,
grab your fathers gun,
SHOOT THE COL U SCUM
shoot the col u scum

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (Xàbia Shrimper @ Feb. 01 2006,19:23)]Shouldn't this be in "The Pub" Forum? Moderators?

WS
Jávea

Yes, Michael... all in good time!

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Personally, I always like the one that starts...

"When I was a little boy,
My grandmother gave me a brand new toy..."

 

[Guest]

Quote[/b] (Matt the Shrimp @ Feb. 01 2006,20:05)]Personally, I always like the one that starts...

"When I was a little boy,
My grandmother gave me a brand new toy..."

Moderators,

Can we ban this thug for inciting violence?

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Feb. 01 2006,20:13)]Moderators,

Can we ban this thug for inciting violence?

Sorry HKB, I'll try to moderate myself a little better in future...

 

[Guest]

Quote[/b] (col u @ Feb. 01 2006,19:15)](To the tune of The Addams Family) for fans visiting Roots Hall:
"Your sister is your mother,
your uncle is your brother
You all f@*k one another,
The Southend family der der der der clap clap etc

No, you've got that on completely wrong.

It's only sung to people who have a reputation for being a bit inbred, like Col Ewe. We don't have a problem with that

 

[col u]

There i was wrong. Sorry!
I thought the Caravan community kept it in house.

 

[* ORM *]

There was nothing better than jumping up and down on wooden planks to the tune of "Layer Road is falling down"