Five things that grip my t**d! What grips yours?

[Winkle]

Is there something that sends you totally insane? Are you able to loose all rational thought over something that may seem trivial to others but to you,
sends you over the edge? Honestly I am a very tolerant and passive person but, just lately, I dont no how I have refraind from wanting to smash someones face in for things that get my goat, here are some examples
1 TRAFFIC WARDENSI hate them ,with a vengance, all they do is bring misery to others and are total jobsworths!
2 OFFICE BROWNNOSERS I cannot F*****G stand them, we have two where I work and to say they totally incompotant is an understatement! All trying to get up the bosses A**E and dont care who they tread on to do it!
3 PEOPLE WHO SPIT WHEN THEY TALK Why, you no your doing it, so dont! because belive it or not, I dont want a mouthfull of your sputem.
4 PEOPLE WHO TAKE WITHOUT ASKING This really gets me, if theres something someone wants to borrow then ask, but the next person I catch taking something from my desk without asking is going to get a pen stabbed in there eye.Also goes to people who help themselves to my food because they are to lazy to get there own!
5 PEOPLE WHO BUTT INTO YOUR CONVERSATION AbsolutLy grips my t**d, they generally cant start a meaningful conversation of there own so wait to the right oppertune moment to interupt yours with some complete and utter dribble, I mean come on..get a life! I could go on and on ( especially)about benefit scroungers but I will leave that for someone else.

 

[South Bank Hank]

I tell you what, bloody benefit scroungers are what get me!

 

[mattytheshrimper]

2 OFFICE BROWNNOSERS I cannot F*****G stand them, we have two where I work and to say they totally incompotant is an understatement! All trying to get up the bosses A**E and dont care who they tread on to do it!

i know loads of them. can't stand em

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

My sphincter is usually the thing that grips my ****.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Eat more fibre Matthew.

 

[chadded]

Women in Nightclubs.

Usually, I love you ladies, but sometimes, just sometimes, you really grip my ****. I am quite proud of my dance routine. Along the lines of Big fish, Little Fish, cardboard box. You may know it. Add to that, Feed the chicken, shooting stars, going fishing, reeling them in, eating an ice cream, peeling a banana, etc. If I may say so myself, it's a ****ing awesome routine. Best bit about it. I can do the whole thing in an area the size of a dinner plate. ( A Hungaryt Horse Mixed Grill dinner plate, cos they're huge!)

Women however. have to have their own personal space, which generally speaking is about a 6foot radius around their ***. This mainly applies to fat women, and stuck up women. If I'm walking to the little boys room, I dont expect some slapper to slam her *** into me as I walk past, and also get a dirty look.

I have only recently noticed this. Whether this discovery has anything to do with me drastically reducing the amount of alcohol I'm drinking*, I've no idea.


*Temporary measure. Promise. Normal Service to be resumed soon!


2nd Pet Hate. That ''Game'' they play. What's it called? Oh yea, hard to get. Ha, I'll play another game. Not goin to get!!

 

[Alexis_SUFC]

Women in Nightclubs.

Usually, I love you ladies, but sometimes, just sometimes, you really grip my ****. I am quite proud of my dance routine. Along the lines of Big fish, Little Fish, cardboard box. You may know it. Add to that, Feed the chicken, shooting stars, going fishing, reeling them in, eating an ice cream, peeling a banana, etc. If I may say so myself, it's a ****ing awesome routine. Best bit about it. I can do the whole thing in an area the size of a dinner plate. ( A Hungaryt Horse Mixed Grill dinner plate, cos they're huge!)

Nice little routine there, personally I go Big Fish, Little Fish, cardboard box, but then add in seatbelt,seatbelt, harness, harness, deal the cards next followed by some shelf stacking before finishing with either the lawnmower or chainsaw depending on mood, usually lawnmower though.

 

[MK Shrimper]

I dance like a dad.

And I haven't got kids - ladies, form an orderly queue :)

 

[chadded]

Nice little routine there, personally I go Big Fish, Little Fish, cardboard box, but then add in seatbelt,seatbelt, harness, harness, deal the cards next followed by some shelf stacking before finishing with either the lawnmower or chainsaw depending on mood, usually lawnmower though.

Good call. The possibilities are endless. Lassoo, Lassoo, doin your flies up, doin your flies up, eating a water melon, eating a water melon.

Easily better than some fat moonter shaking, nay, wobbling her *** like a pillock!

 

[Alexis_SUFC]

Good call. The possibilities are endless. Lassoo, Lassoo, doin your flies up, doin your flies up, eating a water melon, eating a water melon.

Easily better than some fat moonter shaking, nay, wobbling her *** like a pillock!

Completely agree, fat people shouldn't be allowed on the dancefloor, theres only a certain amount of space to dance in yet these beasts take up more than their fair share of what is limited space.

I'm liking the Lassoo idea, might have to work that into the routine somehow, it will take alot of hard work and practice but i'm sure i can manage it.

 

[DTS]

Good topic this one. My five are as follows:

1) UNRELIABLE PEOPLE

I hate the above people. Why oh why can you not make a plan and stick to it. If I say I will be somewhere at a time I will be there. I hate this more when its customers and I have agreed to stay late.

2) TV TALENT SHOWS.

Any sort of X-Factor Jobby. Basically gives loads of talent less ****ers the chance to get on TV. If your that good an artist play the clubs etc and work your way up rather than being shot to fame only to be shot down again. My most hated one is Lemar.

3) COUNTRIES THAT DESPISE THE WEST THEN ASK US FOR HELP.

I really hate the above - You have all seen images of these countries buring British flags etc etc and as soon as there have some sort of disaster they are the first ones to ask the West for help.

4) WANNABEE PROPERTY MAGNETS.

Everyday I get the same old idiots call up. Basic scenario goes as follows.

I am a first time buyer, looking to borrow 100% of the value of the property and my plan is to buy in the Olympic Area and wait for the property to triple in value etc etc.

What I have to say yes that is a really good and original plan however it might prove tough with no depsoit.

What I would like to say is you are a ****. All the clever people have already snapped up anything worth having in the Olympic belt years ago. Finally if you could buy a flat to rent out with no deposit then i would buy every house in Britain.

5) COST OF TRANSPORT IN LONDON

Went to the world cup last may and 7 of us travelled on the tube all day long for 7 Euroes. In comparrison I did a single journey all of two from from London Bridge to Canary Wharf last week which cost me £ 6.80......How !!!!

:mad: :finger: :mad:

 

[* ORM *]

2) TV TALENT SHOWS.

Any sort of X-Factor Jobby. Basically gives loads of talent less ****ers the chance to get on TV. If your that good an artist play the clubs etc and work your way up rather than being shot to fame only to be shot down again. My most hated one is Lemar.

5) COST OF TRANSPORT IN LONDON

Went to the world cup last may and 7 of us travelled on the tube all day long for 7 Euroes. In comparrison I did a single journey all of two from from London Bridge to Canary Wharf last week which cost me £ 6.80......How !!!!

In a similar vein:

a) Any form of reality TV show - it is NOT real !!!!!!!!!!

b) The Oyster Card - I object on so many grounds, especially the fact that you are charged full wack and the cost is only 'reduced' when you swipe the exit barrier

c) Announcements on the underground Part 1 - Please remember to always touch in and touch out when using your Oyster card

d) Announcements on the underground Part 2 - Service updates - a good service is operating on all lines. Usually when you are standing on a platform wondering when the next one is coming in.

e) Soaps - As far as I'm concerned ALL of these should be consigned to the dustbin, or at least post watershed.

f) Graham Norton, Paul O'Grady, Dale Winton. Not ONE of these has an ounce of talent so why the hell are they so overexposed on TV ?

g) Other drivers

a) A total inability to use mirrors

b) Middle/outside lane hogs. The latter are the people that cause tailbacks, accidents and are a menace to other road users. Rather than taking the easy route of penalising speeding motorists these people should be pulled over, fined and given 3 points for careless driving.

c) Inside overtakers. I've done this myself if I've got an arsehole that just won't budge when he has a clear road in front of him. I'm concentrating on the ones that tear down motorways thinking any lane is for overtaking and who put their lives and that of other motorists in danger. Typically young males and salesmen.

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

1) Holiday Brits* ~ There's nothing that makes me more ashamed to hail from the British Isles than the various sights I have had the misfortune to witness during my 3½ year in exile in Spain. Brits clearly have a huge problem taking their ale. I don't buy this "I'm on holiday so who cares" crap that these morons use to defend their actions; we care - we live here and we really don't find the constant stream of ****, vomit and abusive language particularly enjoyable. If you want to spend two weeks on the ****, head down to the local supermarket, buy a few crates of cheap lager, lock yourself in your house and spend 14 days vomiting over your furniture, ****ing in your fireplace and shouting abuse at passing postmen. Just think; you'll save yourself the cost of flights and accomodation for the price of a few crates and some fake tanning lotion.

2) ExPat Brits - I know, I know. I am an expat Brit. However I'm referring to those Brits who decide to move to another country and then lock themselves away in out-of-town urbanisations (think South Woodham Ferrers in the sun) and then complain that everyone outside of their little enclave speaks a foreign language. At least I make a very concerted effort to integrate, speak the language (albeit badly) and, most importantly, strive to become part of the local community. I can't abide these goons who have moved to Spain, citing problems with "Pakis and Gypos" who keep themselves to themselves ... from a villa perched on a hill called "Dunroamin" which is nestling quite nicely between villas called "Werebritish" and "Wotsintegration" just down the road from "Mick's British Pub" which is located very conveniently in between to the "Quick Save British Supermarket" and "Doogie's British Bakers". When they venture out of the little piece of England, they moan constantly that everyone in the village speaks Spanish and, horror of horrors, none of the authorities speak very little English, if at all. A message: **** off back to Britain and buy a sun-lamp.

3) Unreliable People - With DtS on this one. If you want to change the time of the meeting - or even can't make it - don't wait until fifteen minutes after the original meeting time to ring me up and request the changes! You might think it's okay because I'm sitting in a nice restaurant/bar but I don't; I have better things to do that waste my time waiting around for you c***s. Also, when we agree that I will pick you up at a certain time, that doesn't mean that I'm happy to sit in the car at the agreed meeting place for ten minutes until you stroll along, get in the car and continue your conversation on your mobile without one apology; next time you ****ing walk. (What's the chances that the guy who this is aimed as will read this? If he does, thanks for wasting my ****ing time last week.)

4) Tony Bliar

5) Colchester United


*Disclaimer - I do realise that the vast majority of Brits are law-abiding people who are considerate towards hosts who have invited them to holiday in their country; it's the moronic minority who have let the side down very badly.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Here's my tuppence to go along with all those....

Ed Yourdon: Structured approach to programming my ****ing **** you ****. I know this means absolutely nothing to each and everyone of you, but as my final assignment of the year is on this rubbish, it's a personal vendetta! However this is the man that gave us the non-existent Millennium Bug a made a small fortune out of it.

Scientists: Global Warming - New Ice Age? Which one is it? Make your ****ing minds up!

Cold calling: If I want a new mobile phone I'll go and look for one! I don't need you ringing me up just as I'm sitting down for dinner!

Americanisms: It's ZED alright, not ****ing ZEE. It's called ENGLISH, speak it correctly.

MTV Base: It's just rubbish, glorifying gangsta rap toss for teenagers who think they're in the 'hood.

 

[Uncle Leo]

b) The Oyster Card - I object on so many grounds, especially the fact that you are charged full wack and the cost is only 'reduced' when you swipe the exit barrier

The Oyster card itself is brilliant. What gets me is how expenisive it is and the fact that if you don't have one - like most tourists for example - you're f**ked.

 

[Bluesmanager]

Southend United right now. WHY is is that when we play Preston, we pull off one heck of a comeback, but against Barnsley, we go down like a popped balloon?

 

[MK Shrimper]

****ing Prince bloody William and that posh bint. Rich bloke dumps rich bird.

WHO GIVES A ****?

 

[Bluesmanager]

Ironic that, in the week that Harry appears on Soccer AM, he dumps his bird.

 

[Uncle Leo]

****ing Prince bloody William and that posh bint. Rich bloke dumps rich bird.

WHO GIVES A ****?

Hugely depressing to see that story was deemed to be the most important of the day by the BBC. It was actually the lead story on their 5pm bulletin :confused: :mad:

 

[* ORM *]

The Oyster card itself is brilliant. What gets me is how expenisive it is and the fact that if you don't have one - like most tourists for example - you're f**ked.

This is one of the many gripes. I was trying to keep the post length short. :D