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Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
If you're a betting man you'll know that, during an international tournament, there are a few simple rules that will help protect your investment. Firstly, never back England, a nation of drunks who always choke under pressure. Secondly, always expect the home nation to outperform expectations because you can never under-estimate that feel-good factor. Thirdly, never write off the Germans.

Only one of those rules will apply this year. England's failures will be sunning themselves in Dubai and, for all their home advantages, Switzerland and Austria are so poor that they would never have managed to qualify for this tournament under their own steam. One of them may surf into the second stage on a wave of national pride, but anything more than that is out of the question. That just leaves those Germans.

Joachim Low was always said to be the tactical brains behind the Jurgen Klinsmann administration and, after the 2006 World Cup, he was given the chance to prove it in his own name. So far, it's going rather well. They qualified for Euro 2008 comfortably, though a couple of slack draws with Cyprus and Wales cost them top spot to the rickety Czech Republic. They may only have drawn this week with Belarus, but it's important to note that they were 2-0 up until Low made wholesale substitutions in order to preserve squad fitness. Pre-tournament friendlies are no barometer of success and you certainly won't see six second half changes if Germany are two goals to the good against Poland on June 8.

Low is blessed with strength in depth throughout his squad, but the first thing you'll notice when you see them play is how close the defensive line pushes up to the strikers. He likes his team to squeeze together in the middle to constrict the opposition and encourage short passing. Playing such a tight 4-4-2 does increase the risk of being caught on the break, but with Jens Lehmann as a sweeper/goalkeeper, it certainly keeps life interesting. With the twin towers of Miroslav Klose and Kevin Kurayni up front, there's an understandable emphasis on getting crosses in from the flanks, but if that doesn't work, keep an eye out for Lukas Podolski. He may have fallen out of favour at Bayern Munich, but with 25 goals in 47 games, he's not to be under-estimated.

In the centre of the park, Michael Ballack and Torsten Frings make up one of the most disciplined midfield partnerships in the game, comfortably managing to read each others movements in a way that Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard can only dream of. Ballack has been in scintillating form for Chelsea since returning for a long-term injury and this could be his final international tournament, so expect some lung-busting performances from him. What better way for him to bow out than by lifting the trophy in Vienna?

Germany are strong in every department and they're coached by a man with a growing reputation. The tournament is being held on their southern borders which means a nice short journey for their fans and...well...they're Germany, aren't they? They'll float into the tournament with everyone else tipping France or Italy, they'll breeze through their group, winning all their games by two goals, they'll dispose of whoever pops up in the quarter-finals and then suddenly we'll all slap our foreheads in surprise and say, "Gargh! Never write off the Germans!"

It's what they do.
 
Until the summer of 2004, it was taken as read that every international tournament would contain one team that stunned the world with their performances and then crashed out before they started making the experts look silly. One team to make us believe that anything was possible, before reminding us that it wasn’t at all and we were silly to dream. Then the Greeks came along and nothing has ever been the same since. Now it’s difficult to write any team off for fear that history will repeat itself.

With that in mind, I shall nevertheless boldly tempt fate and write off Greece on the simple, flat-earth logic that lightning doesn’t strike twice. I shall even state here and now, or there and yesterday if you read my Germany feature on Thursday, that the winners will be one of the usual suspects. However, if I’m pushed for a dark horse, I have to say that I do have a funny feeling about Turkey.

Astonishingly, the Turks haven’t been in international competition since coming third in the 2002 World Cup. After finishing second in their qualifying groups for Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, they were forced into play-offs and lost both of them to Latvia and Switzerland respectively. They responded to that second defeat against the world’s most neutral country by having a huge brawl in front of the TV cameras, which should make life interesting when they meet again on June 11.

Legendary manager Fatih Terim loves an attacking midfielder, which is handy because he’s not exactly overwhelmed with strikers. He’s finally pulled the plug on Hakan Suker’s career which just leaves the exciting Nihat, a Villarreal star, as a potential lone striker. This should be fine as he has the work ethic of a shirehorse and seems quite content to forage away in La Liga when the situation demands it. He will find himself well-serviced by a midfield that could contain any combination of Newcastle’s Belozoglu Emre, Yildiray Basturk, Sanli Tuncay and our old friend Colin Kazim-Richards. There’s pace and flair in abundance, assuming that Mehmet Aurelio, who isn’t really Turkish, holds it together at the back and with a defence marshalled by the highly rated Gokhan Zan, there aren’t many weak spots. The only thing that concerns me is the fact that Terim’s favoured goalkeeper Demirel Volkan was absolutely appalling against Seville in the Champions League, but an injury means that he may play the superior veteran Rustu Recber, he of the famous black warpaint, instead.

Group A is relatively comfortable compared to some of the quagmires elsewhere, and Turkey have a real chance of pushing on to the next round. Portugal have some awesome players, but now that Pauleta has retired, they don’t have a top class striker. The Czech Republic are relying on a rusty Jan Koller and the abysmal Milan Baros, while Switzerland managed to lose to minnows England in a recent friendly and can therefore be discounted entirely.

You don’t need much to get the jump on your rivals in a tournament. Just a bit of luck, a bit of talent and the element of surprise. Turkey have all of this, some fanatical support and the added incentive of a chance for revenge in their second game against the host nation. If they can grab a point against Portugal on June 7, there’s nothing to stop them qualifying and then who can say what will happen in the later stages.
 
For every 'golden generation' in football, there must be that sad decline when the stars of the last decade slowly dim. If there is enough talent to replace them, then the team will survive, but if the cupboard is bare, if there aren't any more galacticos to come through the ranks, abject humiliation awaits. The Czech Republic have, for so long, been everybody's favourite 'dark horse' that it's actually rather sad to see the way they enter Euro 2008. I hope it doesn't happen, but I think that they could come apart in quite spectacular fashion.

Coach Karel Bruckner almost quit last year when, after defeat to Germany, an undercover journalist managed to worm his way into Thomas Ujfalusi's hotel room where the defender was celebrating his 29th birthday with a number of team-mates and...erm...a number of call-girls. The media storm raged for weeks, but after lengthy consideration, Bruckner decided to stay on until the end of this tournament. He may well come to regret that decision.

He has at his disposal just one world class player and that's Petr Cech, who hasn't exactly had the greatest season of his career at Chelsea. In front of him lurks a defence that includes hapless Newcastle misfit David Rozenhal, a midfield bereft of Karel Poborsky, Patrik Berger, Thomas Rosicky and Pavel Nedved and a front-line of the ageing Jan Koller and the utterly implausible Milan Baros. It doesn't bode well.

For some reason far beyond my comprehension, Baros has managed to make a success of his international career. He has 31 goals to his name but, while they can't all be scrappy tap-ins from two yards out, I still don't understand how he does it. His total lack of positional awareness and guile makes him one of the worst strikers I've ever seen in the EPL and, from what I witnessed, he wasn't much more successful with Lyon. He has an infuriating habit of lowering his head and running into blind alleys and, assuming he doesn't have one of his 'dark days', Swiss defender Phillippe Senderos could pick him up and put him in his back pocket in the opening game.

With the aforementioned pantheon of midfield talent either injured or retired, Baros' service will most likely come from midfielder Marek Matejovsky who made such an impact on relegated Reading when he arrived in January that I doubt anyone has heard of him outside of the Madjeski Stadium. Thomas Galasek, at the grand old age of 35, will hold the fort behind him, but it's hardly enough to strike fear into the hearts of their rivals, is it?

Koller, also 35, has still got something to offer, or so it seemed when he scored twice against Lithuania last week, but aside from him and the Italian-based fullbacks Marek Jankulovski and Zdenek Grygera, there really isn't much to speak of in this team. If you're looking for an outsider with friendly odds then look at Turkey, look at Croatia, look at Greece even, but don't look here. With a dangerous opeing fixture against Switzerland on the first Saturday and then Portugal on the Wednesday, Bruckner's tournament could actually be over inside the first week.
 
EPL? English version of the SPL?

Come on, Naps, get with the globalisation! The Americans showed Scudamore that you can't do anything without snappy initials, hence the demise of the 'premiership' moniker a little while back. EPL! EPL! EPL!

I know, I know....if it's any consolation, I feel a little bit dirtier every time I type it.
 
When I first came to Oz all Fox sports was shouting about was the EPL!! EPL this......EPL that. I was like what the bloody hell is the EPL? Finally found out. But i guess its no different to us calling the Scottish Premier League the SPL?

Another great couple of articles there! Always a fantastic read.
 

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