Car Accidents/Near Misses

[GNH]

After reading Winkles itchy bum thread and his close encounter with unsuspecting users of the footpath, it reminded me of an encounter i had 2 weeks ago whilst driving, where a bumble bee decided to fly in through my window and investigate my right ear whilst i was doing about 60 on a country lane. How i didn't end up in a hedge is sheer good fortune as i swerved about shouting expletives and trying to avoid getting stung.

So people, what strange goings on have caused you a near miss or accident while behind the wheel?

 

[duncan bulgaria]

I needed a Barry White so badly that i couldn't concentrate on anything else , the pain was immense and i must of been swerving all over the shop .

All i can say is thank good for the half empty Skip in Ilford one night and i apoligise for the deposit i made in there to make it a full skip :clap:

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

For my sins, when I was a student, I went into the back of a van in front at 5mph in a queue of traffic in the High Street in Hertford one Friday afternoon when I was eyeing up a particularly gorgeous young lady walking down the pavement!

Luckily only damage was to my numberplate, didn't fancy trying to explain that bump in flowery language on my claims form!

 

[returningshrimper]

The other day I felt a rather large fart coming. so raised my left cheek slightly in the air (using the foot rest next to the clutch as a "fart bracket") and let out an almighty ripper. The force of this resulted in me drifting halfway onto the other side of the road, and evasive action had to be taken to avoid oncoming traffic

 

[MK Shrimper]

For my sins, when I was a student, I went into the back of a van in front at 5mph in a queue of traffic in the High Street in Hertford one Friday afternoon when I was eyeing up a particularly gorgeous young lady walking down the pavement!

Luckily only damage was to my numberplate, didn't fancy trying to explain that bump in flowery language on my claims form!

Lol, been there done that. Fortunately I managed to slam on the anchors before I went into the back of the 4x4 in front of me :D

 

[dloman]

Quite similar to GNH. I was driving a Mini Moke (remember those?) whilst sunning myself on the white sanded beaches of Barbados one year. When something flew in from the open sided door of the drivers side, actually there are no doors on mini mokes.

Anyway i saw this unknown creature go across my eyeline and fly straight into the rear view mirror and upon striking this it proceeded to fall downtowards my bare legs and disappear up the inside of my shorts. At this moment whilst hammering along at 40 mph or whatever the top speed is of one of those contraptions, i started to scream like a big girl and stuck my hand up my shorts and grabbed the offending critter and squezzed the life out of him.

The result was an extremely nasty sting that 1 mm further left would have resulted in a very uncomfortable night in Bridgetown A&E. As it was i still had a painful posterior for a couple of days, though on the upside ui didn't crash the Moke (not that you would have noticed the difference if i had).

 

[Bluesmanager]

Some stupid idiot three years back rear-ended the car I was in (can't drive). Fortunately I was in front so the worst I got was a bad back (which got a lot worse over the next 2 weeks due to doing work experience in a gardening place).

 

[Tinks]

Didn't have an accident as such but certainly had a bit of erratic driving.
While I was driving down the A127 one winter's morning decided to have a fag, was auite happy puffing away and then went to throw the dog end out of the window, Unfortuntely because it was cold outside I forgot to open the window first. As I threw the cigeratte out of what I thought was an open window the bloomin thing bounced of the glass and onto my coat causing it to catch alight. Certainly made me pull over fast and how I did not crash was anybody's buisness.
Never done it again though
And they say drink/driving is bad for you

 

[* ORM *]

Fell asleep driving a mates car donkeys years ago - he lived in Hertfordshire I needed to get home - went up and over central divide on A127 and ended up on London bound carriageway. No visible damage to car :D

Nearly did the same thing years ago after playing 27 holes at St Andrews leaving at 7pm to get home. Started falling asleep at Newcastle and spent the next few hours catnapping for 20 mins and driving again until feeling tired. Got as far as M11 when I nodded off and woke up what must have been a millisecond after. This time I had the good sense to pull off for a decent kip. Nothing comes between me and a Sunday morning game of footie !

 

[Winkle]

Not really anything to write home about but whilst at work I started to feel unwell and went tosee nursey*Who was rather cute, I might add*. I had the raving guts ache and not being one for walking around feeling sick I decided to head for the bogs and ram both fingers down my throat. Did feel slightly better but the pain in my stomach was killing me, so she sent me home. If anyone Knows where the highway is in london, thats were I used to work so I jumped in the car just wanting to get home. I got as far as the limehouse link before I had to pull over and vomit and this happened probably every 2/3miles. I got as far as the A13 at lakeside trying to suck it in when I felt a wave of excruciating pain in my stomach which doubled me up. I went from doing 70/80 mph in the outside lane to the hard shoulder in about a second clutching my guts with every other driver giving me the v sign. I tryed to compose myself and got as far as canvey roundabout before my @rse exploded, which was not preety. It was pointless stopping so I just carried on home got out the car, ran upstairs and spent the next 2 hours vomiting and s***ing. You know your in trouble when sick comes out of your nose and when I still recall this rather unsavoury episode all I think about is
" Armitage shanks" because I spent endless hours looking at them bloody words. Turned out to be acute food poisoning from a nut bar that I bought a the garage on the way to work but hey I did loose about 6ib in 3 days.