Being the "other guy/girl"

[chaco27saf]

A couple of weeks ago one of my friends was having a few drinks with some of his coworkers. One of them, who just got engaged, was all over him all night and kept inviting herself over to his place. My friend assumed that the booze was the only reason that she was hitting on him and due to the fact that she was already in a relationship didn't take her up on the offer. However, the week after she made it clear the offer was still on the table, and they have now been hooking up every night after work for the past week.

My friend told me about this over the weekend, and it sparked a bit of a debate amongst the group we were with about whether being the "other guy/girl" in relationship was ok. I'm just wondering what the SZ community thinks about this, is it ok to sleep with someone who you know is in a relationship?

EDIT: In the poll the fourth option should read "Both Option 2 and 3."

 

[MK Shrimper]

Been there, done that.

When the hormones rage you don't really care about the "other" person. However, I've also been the "cheated on" and it's not nice at all.

Not sure you could say it's ok, but it happens.

 

[chaco27saf]

Been there, done that.

When the hormones rage you don't really care about the "other" person. However, I've also been the "cheated on" and it's not nice at all.

Not sure you could say it's ok, but it happens.

The friend who I'm talking about has also been cheated on, but when we were talking about it he said the only person at fault is the one who is in a relationship and cheating. I don't know if he is just trying to justify it to himself but in my opinion he has a point.

 

[Cricko]

What goes around comes around......and it breaks any trust you would have for any partner.

 

[Firestorm]

Don't get me started on adultery ...grrr

 

[MK Shrimper]

Don't know which poll option to click. It's never really ok, but as I've said, it happens.

 

[chaco27saf]

Don't know which poll option to click. It's never really ok, but as I've said, it happens.

It's more of an ethical question I suppose. So even if it happens as you say, would you go OK with it, or would you feel guilty. If you'd feel guilty, then go for the first option.

 

[sufcintheprem]

I'm going with option A but anyone in this situation will invariably claim there are mitigating circumstances.

 

[DTS]

Cant believe that I nearly missed this one.

Sure most people ahve done it to some degree or another. I was seeing a bird I worked with about six years ago and she had a fella at home who in fairness was a right tool.

Didnt feel bad about it at the time as didnt like the bloke and she laid it on a plate + i was single but looking back now its not clever.

Personally I think its the responsability of the person in a relationship to say No and if you cant do that then you should not really be together as its never really acceptable.

As a slight caviate I can see that after a few it does become a good idea and I have got a few mates who after a few beers have made a mistake only to be mortified the next day. Of course the only right answer is its not acceptable but the booze can lower your resistance a bit.

Glad to say I have never cheated on my Mrs and I feel really proud of that having been a bit wild in the past. Its nice to look at her and know I have never lied to her about anything serious.

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

What goes around comes around......and it breaks any trust you would have for any partner.

So true John,

I think everyone has a story to tell on this subject, I was no saint when i was younger but now feel i am settled for life.

Question is, if you started seeing a woman who was in a relationship and it evolved in to more then just a fling and then a year down the line you were together as a couple, would it not be in the back of your mind that if she could do it to someone else with you...then she could do it to you?? Leopard, spots and all that.

Anyone who gets involved with a woman who is in a relationship with someone else should be prepared to get what comes to them.

For me the absolute cardinal sin amongst blokes is to knock of your mates misses....NO NO NO....you just do not go there no matter what. That is an offence punishable by death IMO.

 

[Einstein]

Personally I think its the responsability of the person in a relationship to say No.

Yup, definitely in agreement with this one. Although obviously, it depends how much the guy 'actively' pursues trying to get laid by the person in the relationship. (And my advice would be to find out how big the boyfriend/fiance/husband is first as well!)

Its nice to look at her and know I have never lied to her about anything serious.

Like the way you stuck the word 'serious' on the end there Dave.

 

[DTS]

Yup, definitely in agreement with this one. Although obviously, it depends how much the guy 'actively' pursues trying to get laid by the person in the relationship. (And my advice would be to find out how big the boyfriend/fiance/husband is first as well!)

Like the way you stuck the word 'serious' on the end there Dave.

Well lied about how many I have had on a night out etc but that dont really matter does it....

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Well lied about how many I have had on a night out etc but that dont really matter does it....

Depends if it is beers or babes Dave!!!

 

[Einstein]

Anyone who gets involved with a woman who is in a relationship with someone else should be prepared to get what comes to them.

Not sure if I read that right, but how do you work that one out?

If I'm single, but the girl is in a relationship, then why should I face what's coming to me. Unless you mean a 'confrontation' with the other guy obviously, which would make sense, but I didn't read it like that. I read it like I should be prepared to be cheated on in the future.

The one in the relationship is the one who's supposed to be committed, not me.

If I have a girlfriend and play the field, then yes, obviously, then obviously that is a totally different scenario.

 

[Einstein]

Well lied about how many I have had on a night out etc but that dont really matter does it....

They always start with little lies Dave.....

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Not sure if I read that right, but how do you work that one out?

If I'm single, but the girl is in a relationship, then why should I face what's coming to me. Unless you mean a 'confrontation' with the other guy obviously, which would make sense, but I didn't read it like that. I read it like I should be prepared to be cheated on in the future.

The one in the relationship is the one who's supposed to be committed, not me.

If I have a girlfriend and play the field, then yes, obviously, then obviously that is a totally different scenario.

I was actually referring to some big fu*ck off bloke coming knocking but at the end of the day, if you knowingly sleep with a woman that is in a relationship then you and not completely blameless imo.

Question is, hypothetically if i was single and managed to persuade your misses to sleep with me and you found out, would you say to me, "no worries mate, you are not to blame at all, it is all my wife's fault"

 

[Einstein]

I was actually referring to some big fu*ck off bloke coming knocking but at the end of the day, if you knowingly sleep with a woman that is in a relationship then you and not completely blameless imo.

Question is, hypothetically if i was single and managed to persuade your misses to sleep with me and you found out, would you say to me, "no worries mate, you are not to blame at all, it is all my wife's fault"

Of course not, hence... my last comment "Unless you mean a 'confrontation' with the other guy obviously". That's the only thing that's played on my mind when I've done it in the past. I had no guilt and still do not to this day. I don't know, perhaps that's a sin. However, only worries I had were that I'd open my door one day and there would be some guy with a baseball bat in his hand ready to force guilt into me! I understand others judging, however personally, just the way I see things.

Plus, of your hypothetical theory, you missed out you'd need to be good looking to sleep with my currently non-existant missus :p

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Of course not, hence... my last comment "Unless you mean a 'confrontation' with the other guy obviously". That's the only thing that's played on my mind when I've done it in the past. I had no guilt and still do not to this day. I don't know, perhaps that's a sin. However, only worries I had were that I'd open my door one day and there would be some guy with a baseball bat in his hand ready to force guilt into me! I understand others judging, however personally, just the way I see things.

Plus, of your hypothetical theory, you missed out you'd need to be good looking to sleep with my currently non-existant missus :p

I guess we just have different stand points or maybe it is because i am older. Like i said i have not been a saint and have been with a few women in relationships and even a couple of married woman, but that was way back when i was younger. Now I would feel extremely guilty and would be thinking, how would i feel if i was the other guy.

Regards your non-existent missus, i am sure that she would lovely as you are such a looker!!! but imo my wife is the best thing that this planet ever produced, therefore would have no interest.

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Of course not, hence... my last comment "Unless you mean a 'confrontation' with the other guy obviously". That's the only thing that's played on my mind when I've done it in the past. I had no guilt and still do not to this day. I don't know, perhaps that's a sin. However, only worries I had were that I'd open my door one day and there would be some guy with a baseball bat in his hand ready to force guilt into me! I understand others judging, however personally, just the way I see things.

Plus, of your hypothetical theory, you missed out you'd need to be good looking to sleep with my currently non-existant missus :p

I guess we just have different stand points or maybe it is because i am older. Like i said i have not been a saint and have been with a few women in relationships and even a couple of married woman, but that was way back when i was younger. Now I would feel extremely guilty and would be thinking, how would i feel if i was the other guy.

Regards your non-existent missus, i am sure that she would be lovely as you are such a looker!!! but imo my wife is the best thing that this planet ever produced, therefore would have no interest.

PS - This is purely for Uxbridges benefit but......existent has an "e" in it mate.

;)