Basic office rules.

[DTS]

I am on the verge of doing Sandie that I work with in. Not only does she never answer the phone, follow any of the office basic rules or do any of her own research or paperwork she has not developed a really annoying habit.

After weeks of never being passed messages which I HATE with a passion she has now decided that she will scrawl and I do mean Scrawl half arsed messages on a bit of scrap paper and leave them all over my desk.

This is not good as I sit by the window and half the messages end up falling down the back of my desk.

I have asked her time and time again to EMAIL messages to me and then I will get them instantly rather than having to decipher her small girl likes hand writing.

My question is. If I shoot Sandie in the head with my stable gun to stun her and then stab her in with my letter opener do you think I am looking at going down for murder or could I blag a lesser charge.


Would also appreciate any tips on office based items that could make a good murder weapon.

Tks
DtS :mad: :finger: :guns:

 

[Pubey]

set her stapler in some jelly...

 

[Napster]

Would also appreciate any tips on office based items that could make a good murder weapon.

Tks
DtS :mad: :finger: :guns:

Eyedrops in the coffee is a good laxative.

 

[canveyshrimper]

You may get away on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

I've found a hole punch with a brick attached is quite effective rendering a body unconscious.

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Shag her ...

 

[ldnfatso]

Hang her neck around the window blinds cord!

or the bog chain!

 

[Desert Shrimper]

I'm a traditionalist - a hammer blow to the back of the head is the simplest way to kill someone within an office environment. Yes, many have come up with more flamboyant "sexy" methods, technical jiggery pokery etc but you cannot beat the longstanding traditional methods of murder in the workplace that have stood the test of time.

Good luck and make sure there are no witnesses.

 

[DTS]

Shag her ...

She must be twice my age and twice my size....not really an option. :minger:

 

[dloman]

The toppling filing cabinet is a good option, especially if it looks like an accident.

 

[Benji91]

Obviously the cleanest way to kill her is not to kill her..... You need to drive her crazy enough to kill herself.

Therefore you need to play every office practical joke going, sellotape over the phone, change her mouse to left handed, change the clicking speed.

True this could leave short term pain for you with constant cries of "im ****ing fed up of this" and "cant you just be mature"... but im sure itll be worth it

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

She must be twice my age and twice my size....not really an option. :minger:

WOAH!

Not an option! Not an option!

Drop slug pellets into her tea each morning?

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Obviously the cleanest way to kill her is not to kill her..... You need to drive her crazy enough to kill herself. Therefore you need to play every office practical joke going, sellotape over the phone, change her mouse to left handed, change the clicking speed.

True! I have loads of excellent MS Windows pranks. Or, the best office prank I've done is to remove the victim's mobile phone and insert it into the gap between the false ceiling and real ceiling directly above the victim's desk ... and then constantly ring it.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Push her down the lift shaft. (Although your description of her lends me to thinking that she might not actually fit)

 

[SUFC_Al]

True! I have loads of excellent MS Windows pranks. Or, the best office prank I've done is to remove the victim's mobile phone and insert it into the gap between the false ceiling and real ceiling directly above the victim's desk ... and then constantly ring it.

Would you care to share any? There's a girl here who really gets on my nerves :mad:

 

[Pubey]

Would you care to share any? There's a girl here who really gets on my nerves :mad:

best one ive done is to print screen the desktop with an error message up... then to open the picture up in paint and to change the text so it says something like "Microsoft Outlook has performed an illegal operation, all e-mail messages have been permanently destroyed"... or "Dear Mr. X, the IT department at xxx has noticed that pornographic websites are being accessed on your workstation, please ring x2000 immediately"..

if you do this really carefully then the error message looks real. then in paint go to "view bitmap" and the screen will now look like the actual desktop... then unplug the mouse and keyboard so they cant type or do anything and wait for them to come back and freak out!!!!!

 

[Herne Bay shrimper]

Would you care to share any? There's a girl here who really gets on my nerves :mad:

http://windowspranks.com

or http://www.kylyria.net/pranks.htm

 

[SUFC_Al]

thanks chaps :D

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Would you care to share any? There's a girl here who really gets on my nerves :mad:

OK.

Take a screen print on the victim's desktop and save it as a BMP file using MS Paint.

On the desktop, right-click then select "Arrange Icons By" and uncheck "Show Desktop Icons".

After a few seconds, the screen will go blank and then the desktop re-appear without the desktop icons.

Right-click again on the desktop and select "Properties" and then "Desktop" tab. Browse to the file in which you saved the screen print. Select "Stretch" from the drop-down menu and then press OK.

The desktop background image will change to the screen print ... except (of course) the icons don't work!

Hours of fun!

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Another:

Right-click on an icon they use regularly and select "Properties".

In the "Target" box, delete what's in there and enter the following:

shutdown_-s_-t_0

where _ = a space

Press OK.

Whenever they double-click the icon, it will shutdown their PC.

 

[Pubey]

OK.

Take a screen print on the victim's desktop and save it as a BMP file using MS Paint.

On the desktop, right-click then select "Arrange Icons By" and uncheck "Show Desktop Icons".

After a few seconds, the screen will go blank and then the desktop re-appear without the desktop icons.

Right-click again on the desktop and select "Properties" and then "Desktop" tab. Browse to the file in which you saved the screen print. Select "Stretch" from the drop-down menu and then press OK.

The desktop background image will change to the screen print ... except (of course) the icons don't work!

Hours of fun!

classic! remember doing that at school in IT